CHANGE STARTS WITH YOU.....

"Be the change that you want to see in the world"
( Mahatma Ghandi )

Continung my series about inspiring quotes, I'm bringing you this one that I find very helpful.

Too often these days people complain of feeling powerless. They talk of things, usually bad things, going on around tham and happening to them - as if they have no control over them. Not only are the events themselves stressful but the lack of ability to influence them is stressful too.

This quote stresses the need to influence those things that are under your control. You perhaps can't change other people but you can change yourself..... and this may then have an effect on others. For example, if you go around complaining that you want the world to be a happier place, then why not start with your own little corner of it? Put a smile on your face and be nice to people for no reason at all - go on, I dare you. Didn't hurt now did it....... and I bet you felt a little better too!

Imagine if a lot of others did this all at the same time. You might not recognise the place! Once others can see how the changes that you have made are having such a positive effect on you, who knows, they might just join you.

So don't waste your time and energy worrying about what you cannot directly influence, concentrate instead on making yourself into a role model for the rest of the world to follow. Be proud of who you are and of the fact that you are developing and growing as a person. There is so much more inside of you - get your light out from under that bushel and give yourself licence to shine!

WHAT'S DRIVING YOU ?

Not a post about cars..... even though my boys expose me to Top Gear far more than is good for a person. Nor an opportunity for me to daydream about an XK8 convertible, antigua blue...... perhaps not today at least. Southern softies like me aren't used to snow.

No, I'm talking about what motivates you to achieve what you want to do? Understanding this goes a long way to helping you reach your goals. Do you really want that new car, bigger house, new job etc. for yourself - or are you chasing it to fulfill what you feel is expected of you?

It's not just about knowing what you want..... it's about understanding why you want it. Your subconscious mind is really clever, much more clever than any bits that you and I have control over. Thank goodness, as it's the bit that stops us wrapping ourselves around a tree when our mind wanders driving home at night. If your subconscious mind knows you don't really want what you say you want, or want it just to please someone else.... then guess what? You won't get it. Your subconscious will find some way of preventing it from happening. This is called self-sabotage.

Think about one of those New year's resolutions you made, that didn't come to anything. Maybe you kept them up for a few days and then..... you slipped back to your old habits. The most likely reason is that you self-sabotaged. Not only must you really want what you claim to want, but you must be prepared to walk the talk to get it.

Next time you think you want something, consider why you want it too. This will get your subconscious mind on-board too. Now there's a safe driver for you......

EXTRA TIME

Although from the title, this blog post could have been all about football...... I'll curb my passion for the moment and spare you the details of another home defeat for Watford.

No, the extra time refers to the clocks having gone back on Sunday morning. So what did you do with your extra hour? I always remember being fascinated by the concept of the clocks changing when I was a child. So how did it work, does it mean there were two 2am's in the autumn change..... and in the spring change is 3am missed out altogether? I also remember hearing about a group of people protesting one spring that an hour of their life had been "taken away" by the clocks going forward. Even then, I remember thinking, well why waste another few hours moaning about it then? Why not just get on with it? You see, even then I was a practical sort of person! 

Do you think you make the best use of your time? How much time do you waste in an average day, week or month? Why not start today by looking at how you spend your time - it might show you that you have more time available than you thought.

Divide the day into 10 minute slots on a piece of paper (Excel spreadsheet or Blackberry for you techno freaks out there) and note down everything you do over the course of an average day. And yes..... I do mean everything. Then total them up. Look at how much time you devote to each activity and then to how much time you spend....... well, not doing very much. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating filling every second of every one of your days with a frenzied blur of activity. No, the purpose of this exercise is to illustrate that next time you say "I haven't got time for that", you might be able to think to yourself - "Maybe I have" and here's the crunch point, "if I want to find it". Never forget that we are human beings, not human doings. Sometimes what we need is just simply to be.

So next time someone says to you - "where did the day go?" you'll know..... and you'll have a choice. You can fit more in if you want to, you can choose to just "be" for a while...... or you can waste your life in useless protest. But then that would be just another waste of time!

ON BEING COACHED MYSELF

I had my appraisal at work yesterday - in my GP job, and unlike most of my colleagues, I really enjoyed it. I think in many ways it drew a line in the sand for me and was a real marker of how much my life has moved on over the last 12 months. I attribute this largely to life coaching - not only the coaching of my clients but to being coached myself. (Thank you Chris x )

Coaching has made an enormous difference to how I approach things. It has made me take a step back and evaluate what I really want from my life. It has also helped me think about how to achieve this - by keeping me focused on the solutions rather than on the problems. I now routinely do things that would have been a distant dream 18 months ago. I positively enjoy networking and think nothing of organizing talks and workshops. I enjoy the chance to get out there and talk to people about coaching. I know there is so much more inside of me and I'm passionate about enabling others to uncover their true potential too.

The people I've met within the coaching community are very special people indeed. They all have a real spark about them and a generosity of spirit that comes from just knowing that their best is yet to come. As I write this, I'm excited about the future and about the twists and turns that life has in store. I don't let the media detract from my positivity. I don't give them permission to so why should you?

Now if I can make these changes, anyone can. Just decide, today, that this is the start of a new and better phase in your life. I would love to coach you and work with you while you make these changes too. Get yourself a coach - I can't recommend it highly enough.

GET POSITIVE !

Another quote for you today..... and a pretty topical one too.

"Whenever God wants to give us a gift, he wraps it up in a problem".
(Norman Vincent-Peale)

Do you know someone who always seems to see the best in people?
Someone who seems to be able to make the best of a difficult situation?
One who can look beyond the immediate problem and start to find the solution?

I hope that you do. The world needs more of them.
Are they just lucky? Do bad things just not happen to them?
Of course not. They get their share of adversity just like everybody else - they've just learned how to handle it differently. They don't spend their time wallowing and wondering "why me" but instead look for what they can learn from any given situation.

What can we learn from people like this and how can we use what they do to help us? In NLP this is known as modelling. It means looking closely at the behaviours and characteristics of a successful person and adopting them yourself as a fast-track way to achieving success.

We can start by adopting a positive mental attitude. Whatever you feel like inside, put a smile on your face. It makes you feel a bit better inside doesn't it? People will smile back too and that'll start to lift your spirits. Look out for what's good in your world and look for what you can change. Deciding to be happy and taking control of your life really are possible for you - however you feel right now. You really do have a choice in this. Don't be a victim - stand up and take control of your own destiny.

BENEFITING FROM THE CREDIT CRUNCH

We are constantly being fed a diet of gloom and doom by the media at the moment. Turn on the Robert Peston show (I think it used to be called the BBC news) and it's story after story of "the worst day ever for stocks/shares/banks/investors.." fill in the blank for yourself.

For sure there is a lot of change,my nearest and dearest are not exempt from it either, but is it all bad? How you feel about a change is determined by what you tell yourself it means for you. The way you look at something determines your response to it. In NLP we call this reframing - it's about finding an alternative way to view something, a way that enables you to respond more positively.

Losing your job can be devastating. It can bring with it loss of self-esteem, uncertainty about the immediate future and a worry about how you are going to cope. Alternatively - it could be a new beginning. Maybe, if you're really honest, you didn't much like that job anyway. Perhaps you were in a comfortable rut - not really happy but not yet unhappy enough to do something about it. Sound familiar? Maybe being forced to re-evaluate what you really want from a job and look for something else could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Perhaps a spell with less money coming in sounds frightening at first - but what if you see it as an opportunity to look at what you are spending and to see how you can simplify your life? Sometimes trimming our excesses does us good in lots of other ways. Drinking less alcohol, eating out less and walking instead of using the car are good for our health as well as our pockets. Really thinking about your food shopping means less waste - that's good for the planet too.

Sometimes we all need a nudge to make changes that will be good for us in the long run. I believe that things happen for a reason, even if we don't understand the reason right now. Accepting what has happened, looking for the positives in it and moving forward take up so much less energy than stressing about it anyway. Worry is an exhausting an unproductive emotion. Far better to use what has happened to your advantage. Remember that you are so much more resourceful than you give yourself credit for. Don't just think about surviving the credit crunch - think about how you can use it as a wake up call to change your life for the better! 

MEETING RICHARD BANDLER

Last Friday I attended an NLP training day in central London. It was organised by Acuity Doctor, an organisation I had trained with before. The afternoon included a three hour session with Dr.Richard Bandler, co-creator of NLP and something of a hero of mine.

The day started well, beautiful weather, train on time, lovely walk to the venue in the sunshine. It got even better when as soon as I walked into the hotel I was greeted by a guy who'd read my piece in the Acuity Doctor newsletter about my coaching practice. He recognised me straight away and we had a good chat. There were lots of people there who I'd met at previous NLP events or whom I'd worked with over the years. Excellent. It was also a great forum to chat to many of the 250 doctors present, to make new friends and to promote my business.

But the best was yet to come.... after a really enjoyable morning session, Dr.Bandler took to the stage. He was amazing. He spoke for three hours and held the whole audience captivated. He demonstrated a few of his NLP techniques, many with new shortcuts that he has devised. I really wanted to meet him, but he's somewhat awe-inspiring. I had put my camera into my bag, just in case, but could I really go up to him and ask him? Still... if you don't ask......and what's the worst that could happen?

Regular readers will know what a difference NLP has made to my life. If you ever get the chance to explore it for yourself, take it. Even better - if you ever get the chance to meet Richard Bandler - go for it!

CONCENTRATE ON YOU

An interesting thought occured to me yesterday whilst out walking my dog. As I crossed the bridge over the by-pass I was buffeted my quite a strong wind, but as I walked on down across the next field towards home, I looked across at the wind turbine about a quarter of a mile away.... it wasn't moving.

It made me think about how being in one envirnment doesn't necessarily mean you have to be experiencing the same conditions as someone very close to you. Think of "the credit crunch". Turn on the TV, open the paper, listen to the radio - you'd be forgiven for thinking it was all doom and gloom.... but it doesn't have to be like that. You can choose to maintain your own positive mental state, whatever else may be going on around you.

Don't waste your energy stressing about things that you can't directly influence. Instead, devote your time and effort to making the very best you can of the one thing within your control - you!

So don't just sigh and be dragged down with all the rest, you're better than that. You have all the resources within you to succeed, it's just a case of recognising and using them. Others may buckle but you are strong - remember, we are like tea bags - we don't know how strong we are until we get into hot water! Recognise and acknowledge your own strength today.... and let your flavour flood out!

TAKE YOUR CHANCES

Continuing my series about inspiring quotes, I love this one from US Hockey player Wayne Gretzky

"You miss every shot you don't take"

For me this is about ensuring that you seize every opportunity that comes your way, but it's much more than that. It symbolises the need to try, even when you feel the chances of success aren't that great.

Every time we try to do something and it doesn't quite work out for us, it's an opportunity to learn. Not only about how to accomplish that particular task, but also about ourselves. Use each unsuccessful attempt to shape your next try. Learn something and use it to inform subsequent efforts.

It's also about bravery. Too many great ideas fall by the wayside because people don't have the courage to even try them. Ask yourself this question - what would be the worst that could happen if I did? Really think about that. Chances are you'll realise that any imagined consequences are fairly trivial and not an excuse for failing to just get out there and give it a go! Even if you don't think you're brave enough right now, try acting as if you are - see last post. Deliberately adopt the attitude, posture, mannerisms etc. of a brave person and as Nike say - just do it!

So think about what you want to achieve today and when the chance comes your way - be sure to grab it with both hands.

ACTING AS IF

In the last post I talked about changing your definition of success - to make it easier for you to succeed. Another great way to feel better about yourself is to imagine that you are already successful and behave accordingly - a technique called acting as if.

Try this. Think about a time when you achieved something you were really proud of. Maybe it was a struggle but you dug in there and you did it. Well done! How did you feel? Really go back into that memory and recall the feeling that you had then. How were you standing? What was your expression? How were you feeling inside? Really make that memory as vivd as you can.

Adopt those postures now..... yes, right now. Go on, it's only you and me here!
Stand up right now, really stand up straight and put your shoulders back. Take some deep breaths in and out and feel really powerful, proud and unstoppable. Feels good doesn't it!
Even without consciously thinking about what's going on inside you, just by changing the way you stand, putting on a smile etc. really affects the way you feel inside. The old saying "chin up" really works. It's hard to feel glum for too long when you do that.

This is called changing your physiology and you can do it deliberately. You can choose to feel better. You can act as if you feel better.... and you will.

Not only that, but the way you look externally affects how people treat you. Think about it. If you walk into a room full of people and look confident, smiling and composed, others look at you and treat you as a confident person. They don't know how you might be feeling on the inside!
Once you get this response from others it gets even easier to behave in this way - and before you know it..... you don't need to do it deliberately any more.

So go on - try it today. Act as if you feel on top of the world. I'll see you up there!