ACTING AS IF

In the last post I talked about changing your definition of success - to make it easier for you to succeed. Another great way to feel better about yourself is to imagine that you are already successful and behave accordingly - a technique called acting as if.

Try this. Think about a time when you achieved something you were really proud of. Maybe it was a struggle but you dug in there and you did it. Well done! How did you feel? Really go back into that memory and recall the feeling that you had then. How were you standing? What was your expression? How were you feeling inside? Really make that memory as vivd as you can.

Adopt those postures now..... yes, right now. Go on, it's only you and me here!
Stand up right now, really stand up straight and put your shoulders back. Take some deep breaths in and out and feel really powerful, proud and unstoppable. Feels good doesn't it!
Even without consciously thinking about what's going on inside you, just by changing the way you stand, putting on a smile etc. really affects the way you feel inside. The old saying "chin up" really works. It's hard to feel glum for too long when you do that.

This is called changing your physiology and you can do it deliberately. You can choose to feel better. You can act as if you feel better.... and you will.

Not only that, but the way you look externally affects how people treat you. Think about it. If you walk into a room full of people and look confident, smiling and composed, others look at you and treat you as a confident person. They don't know how you might be feeling on the inside!
Once you get this response from others it gets even easier to behave in this way - and before you know it..... you don't need to do it deliberately any more.

So go on - try it today. Act as if you feel on top of the world. I'll see you up there!

HOW DO YOU DEFINE SUCCESS?

What do you mean by success?
How do you know when you have succeeded?
If these sound like silly questions...... think again!

Think about it, we don't all mean the same thing by "success" or "failure".
If you feel great when you succeed and bad when you fail - then why not move the goalposts?

Let's take "failure". Now as regular readers will know, I am a huge fan of NLP and I try to live by one of the presuppositions of NLP - "There is no failure - only feedback". Let's say you've tried to do something and you feel you've failed - how do you know? Who made the rules that define it? How much better would your life be if you could re-write those rules and make it almost impossible to fail? Well you can.....

Instead of saying "I've failed if I don't do this absolutely perfectly to the satisfaction of everybody around me", try saying, "I've only failed if I give up part way through, or don't even bother to try". Anything else isn't failure - you've tried, it hasn't worked out - so you can use what you've learned from that experience to try again..... and again if needs be! Thomas Edison took over 900 attempts to design the electric light-bulb. Luckily he didn't see these as failures - or we might all be sitting in the dark!

Same with success - re-define it for yourself to make it much easier to achieve. Maybe just getting to the end of the day in one piece might constitute success. Perhaps it will be knowing that you did the very best that you could, whatever the outcome was.

Take some time today to look at how you define success and failure and make it easy on yourself. You can make up your own rules - so why make it hard for yourself? Start today. Write down a new definition of both success and failure for yourself and start to move those goalposts. You really are the master of your own destiny - make it easy to be the best you can be.

GET CONNECTED !

"No man is an island....." (John Donne)

Have you ever heard yourself saying, "I don't need anyone...!" Probably more in bad times than good, maybe after feeling let down or rejected by someone. Self-sufficiency is an admirable trait but there's an argument for saying that we are not really whole somehow unless we are interacting with others and contributing to society in a larger sense.

 This week I joined a networking group as a way of further expanding my circle of business contacts. As well as being very enjoyable from a social point of view it was very fruitful too. It really brought home to me the importance of establishing and building relationships. It soon became apparent that many of us had similar interests and ideas and could think about working synergistically. Not only that, but people there know a whole cohort of other people, who also have other contacts of their own.... and so it goes on. Helping others really does make you feel good.... it's like sowing seeds for the future, yours and theirs.

People need people. We work best when we do it together. Think about who you know. What do you get from each of those relationships? Are they with supportive and like-minded individuals, or are they draining you of your energy and enthusiasm? Take some time over the next couple of days to think about that.

It's not every day you'll meet a person with whom you feel you can truly connect, but when you do, make sure that they know how much you appreciate them. Take some time this weekend to let your special people know just how much they mean to you. Your investment will be repaid a thousand fold.

Have a peaceful weekend.

COME TO THE EDGE

Once a week, for the next few weeks, I'm going to be looking at some inspirational ideas.

I'm starting today with this poem by Christopher Logue, called "Come to the Edge".

Come to the edge.

We might fall.

Come to the edge,

It's too high!

COME TO THE EDGE!

And they came

and he pushed

and they flew!

This always strikes a chord with me as it reminds me of why I'm a coach. Not only do I believe that we all have so much more inside us, but I am passionate about enabling others to uncover their true potential.

It's about taking risks and pushing boundaries. Yes, we could all live a cosy little life, never venturing outside of our comfort zones....... but is that really living? There is so much more out there for us to see, achieve and contribute to. For me, these words are a wake up call. 

Look at the challenges you are facing in your own life right now. How are you facing up to them? These words urge us not to be afraid and to push ourselves that little bit further than we think we can go. A favourite concept in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is, if you think you can or you think you can't - you're probably right! Often what holds us down is our own opinion of ourselves.

So think on this. If what's really stopping you getting what you want is that you talk yourself out of even trying....... then get out there right now and BELIEVE!

CONTROL WHAT'S INFORMING YOU

Is it just me or is the news getting more depressing?

I'm beginning to wonder why I tune in to the BBC news in the evening these days......

Of course one needs to keep up to date, but you need to balance that against how receiving that information can make you feel. Coupled with this, I think the news is becoming less about world events and more about a select few people's opinions about those events. I want to be able to make up my own mind about the stories, I don't need to be told what to think!

Not only that, but if we're not alert to it, the way that the news or other broadcasting gets into our lives can really influence our mood. What would you rather wake up to - a soothing piece of music or a propaganda-laden radio piece about the state of the economy? What gets you in a better frame of mind - something light and amusing or a heavy item about a pandemic flu epidemic that might never happen?

Don't get me wrong - I'm not advocating sticking your head in the sand and ignoring what's going on out there. We all need to be aware of the state of our world and make a positive contribution towards it. What I'm saying is, choose what information you receive and when you receive it. Take control of what you read, listen to and watch. Don't just sit passively by and get "fed" what others might want you to believe. You know you are better than that and you know you deserve more. When are you going to start taking back that control?

I've begun by choosing not to listen to the news first thing in the morning or last thing at night. It affects my preparation for the day or my relaxation before sleep. I keep up to date in the day, I know what's going on - but I check this out when I'm ready to hear it. Anyone fancy joining me?

WHO ARE YOU?

What makes you, you....?

I was prompted to think of this today when I received a scam email. It was one of those ones trying to get hold of your bank details. It invited me to confirm some details about a non-existent account. I recognised it for what it was, took appropriate action and no harm was done..... but what if my identity had really been stolen? What does our identity really mean to us?

What is it about you that makes you......... well, you?

If you changed your name, would it still be you? I'm sure we'd all agree of course it would be, although it might feel strange at first. How about if you changed the way that you looked? Very radically? There have been a number of face transplants done now......... seeing someone you know with a different face, now that's quite challenging! Did you ever see the film "Face Off" with John Travolta and Nicholas Cage? One gets the other's face in a pretty far-fetched story of revenge and when he does so seems to take on the other's persona too.

Perhaps it's much more than a physical thing? Maybe it's what you know inside of you - your values, your memories, your beliefs? Perhaps this is coming closer to the "soul" of the person. The essential "you-ness" of a person. I think I might just have made that word up..... but I like it and I'm sure you know what I mean by it!

I think it's a question that we can only ever hope to answer for ourselves. Perhaps the important point here is this. What is special about me that makes me who I am?

One of my early posts was about labels and the way that we label ourselves - female, British, football loving dog-owner etc.etc. What labels do you apply to yourself? Mother to X? Son to Y? Doing job Z?

 How do these labels define you and more importantly - how do they limit you? If you put yourself in Box A, then maybe you deny yourself the chance to think about how the world looks from Box B? Or maybe...... even better...... from outside any box at all!

So spend some time today thinking about what defines who you are and makes up your essential "you-ness".  Once you know this, it's easier to understand how others see you and raises your awareness about the essential "you-ness" of others too. Native Americans used to say "You can never understand a person until you walk a mile in their shoes". Maybe this way, you can take those steps inside your mind instead...... Enjoy your day.

100 YEARS YOUNG!

Last Friday saw me going down to Hampshire to attend the 100th birthday party of my great Auntie Cis. What a great day and what a very special lady!

She's the oldest member of my family, although there have been quite a few others who have made it into their nineties - so if you're reading this kids, don't start lining up my nursing home place just yet....

She's very nearly blind now but is very sharp in other ways. We were the first to arrive at the residential home where she lives and went straight over to congratulate her. She was sitting under a huge birthday banner and was flanked by a beautiful cake on one side and her card from the Queen on the other. I asked what she'd been up to so far that day. She told me that lots of people had been taking her photograph - "I've probably cracked a good few lenses already today!"

She was laughing and smiling throughout the afternoon, just how I remember her from my childhood. When I asked her what her secret to a long life was, she told me that she just thought about living for today, one day at a time. She said she didn't worry about yesterday as it had already gone and as she didn't know what tomorrow would bring, there wasn't much point worrying about that. Always just try and enjoy today she said.

Good advice I thought. Try and live in the moment. Maybe she was a Zen buddhist master all along and I just didn't know it! Joking aside.... I'm sure she got it right. Let's face it, she's had 100 years of practice. So here's to you Auntie Cis - congratulations and may you enjoy many more birthdays, you are an example to us all.