THE SECRET MILLIONAIRE

Have you ever watched "The Secret Millionaire" on Channel 4?

If not, you've missed a treat and I'd urge you to look out for the next series.

The idea of the programme is that a millionaire goes undercover into a community, does voluntary work for a few weeks and then donates some of their own money to some of the good causes they have worked with. It is a really heart-warming watch as you see them taken out of their comfort zone, made to live on £8 a day and become part of the local community. They give 10's of thousands of pounds to the projects, even £ 250,000 was given last series. The donations make such an enormous difference to the community projects and it is wonderful to see the look on the faces of those who have strived tirelessly for years, now knowingly that their project can expand and thrive thanks to the donations.

But the real winners are the millionaires themselves. They always get much more out of it than the people they give the money to. For many of them, the programme has been a turning point in their lives, realising that there is so much more to life than the pursuit of money and possessions. The follow-up programme earlier this week showed that not only have the projects continued but the relationships formed have thrived too. The millionaires really grew as people. 

It can be all too easy to focus in on ourselves and to concentrate on the needs of ourselves and our immediate family. The lesson of a programme like this is surely that there can be so much joy for us in giving and in contributing to our community in a wider sense.

So with the New Year almost upon us, what can you do to make a difference in your community? Maybe you can donate money to a local charity or give up some time to take part in a voluntary project. If we all gave a little bit of ourselves, the world would be a much better place. Why not start thinking about what you can do to help others in 2009. Talk to family and friends - make it fun. Everyone I know who volunteers says they get far more out of it than they ever realised was possible.

I wish you a wonderful 2009. May peace be with us all.

 I leave you with the words of Ghandi:

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

The New Year is nearly upon us and now is a great time to start working on those New Year's resolutions. It's traditionally a time for looking back at the old year - at what went well and what not so well - and also a time to look ahead to the future.

So as you think about how your life will be better next year - what should you bear in mind?

Make sure your goals are:

• What you want to achieve - not what you think you should be doing.
• Really attractive - what Anthony Robbins would call "juicy goals".
• Realistic. They need to stretch you and push you out of your comfort zone but shouldn't be completely unattainable.
• Specific - the better you define what you want to achieve, the more likely you are to do so.
• Timed - when do you want to do this by? Can you break it down into smaller chunks?
• In many different areas of your life. Don't just think about losing weight or getting a new job - remember your relationships, friendships, hobbies, personal development and spiritual areas too.

Be sure to write your goals down. This seems to work on a number of levels. The act of writing means you have to have really given them some thought. Putting them on paper also seems to help the unconscious mind work on them at times when your conscious mind is busy with other things.

A study of graduates from Yale University in the 7o's looked at who had written down their financial goals - only 3% of graduates had done so. Remarkably, when followed up 10 years later, this 3% were worth more, in financial terms, than the other 97% put together!

Don't under-estimate the power of writing down your goals.

If you haven't yet written down your goals for 2009 - when now is a good time to do so?

WHAT MONEY CAN'T BUY

Commercialism is everywhere, especially at Christmas........ even in a time of recession, so it was lovely to read this quote in my inbox this morning.

"It's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good too, to check up once in a while and make sure you haven't lost the things money can't buy". (George Lorimer)

It can be all too easy to get caught up in the materialism of today's society. The need to have stuff, more stuff and to have it now has probably played a big part in getting the developed world where it is now economically. Maybe in a time when many of us have a little less, we'll be better placed to appreciate the fabulous wealth around us that money can't buy.

As a very young child I went to see the premiere of the original version of the film of "A Christmas Carol". The actor who played Scrooge was sitting in front of us. At the part where Scrooge touches the burning hot wall of hell..... and jumps, I jumped too - almost out of my little skin! I can remember it vividly. Anyway, I digress......

In the story, Charles Dickens had Scrooge see the error of his ways after he is visited during sleep by the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future. He awakens as a changed man. On realising that he has not missed Christmas Day he does everything he can to make up for all his past cruelty by giving to others. He is forever changed by the experience and realises that hoarding money is not the route to happiness. He learns to appreciate the wonder of the world around him and experiences the joy of giving.

As a society we are unlikely to have such a ghostly visitation en masse this Christmas season, but perhaps somehow the economic downturn might make us appreciate all that we do have to be grateful for. So as you spend time with your family and friends this festive season, take time to remember all that is good in your life. We all have much to be grateful for, sometimes we just need to stop....look, listen and feel...... to notice the wonder that has been there all along. Feeling closer to your God or to the Universe on a deeply spiritual level.

Wishing you all a wonderful, peaceful, heart-warming Christmas.

MUM - THIS ONE'S FOR YOU!

It's a busy time of year for us all with Christmas almost upon us, but for me, 21st December is always a difficult day. It is the anniversary of my mum's death and even though it's 28 years ago now it's not an easy time. I was only 15 when she died from breast cancer after a long illness. She had spent much of the previous two years in and out of hospital. The last time I saw her, she was being carried downstairs on a stretcher to go back into hospital for the last time. She was bright yellow from jaundice and weighed about 4 stone. She was 35 years old.

Her name was Lynn and she loved Christmas, and Christmas in our house was amazing. Even the year that she died she had bought and wrapped presents for everyone.

She was the best mum ever. More than that, she was the funniest, most loving and generous human being who ever walked the planet. Even if she couldn't swim or ride a bike and had an almost pathological hatred of pineapple that meant she wouldn't even have one in the house. It became our favourite treat at Nan and Grandad's house; with cream and custard if you couldn't make your mind up! 

Strangely, one of my most poignant memories from that time is the Jona Lewie song "Stop the Cavalry". Whenever I hear that record I am back in 1980 and going to visit my mum in hospital for one of the last times. That song is a very powerful anchor for me.

Losing a parent at that age had a profound effect on me. It made me grow up very quickly and become much more independent, resilient and mentally strong. It also made me never take anything for granted and to this day really helps me make the most of now.

Nowadays I do my best to make Christmas a special time for my own little family. I was very lucky, my mum was always very proud of me when I was a kid. Mum - wherever you are now.... I hope you still are. This one's for you!

THERE'S PLENTY OF GOOD OUT THERE.

It's all too easy at this time of year to get caught up in the preparations for Christmas and lose sight of what is going on in the wider world. The media of course do their best to stop this from happening - their daily tales of doom and gloom fill our TV screens, papers and radio waves even more than before.

We are continually being told that we are in recession and this can sometimes make it feel as if nothing is good in our world. But oh how wrong that would be.......

I was hugely touched recently by the story of a man in San Diego who lost his wife and child after a light aircraft struck their house. I heard him interviewed soon afterwards and although obviously devastated by what had happened, he still found time to say that he forgave the pilot (who survived) as he didn't want the pilot's whole life to be ruined regretting what had happened. I found his humility and courage incredibly moving.

On a different and much lighter note, I recently attended my boys' school's version of X factor. It was a talent show open to the whole school. Auditions had been held 2 months previously and the dozen or so kids who performed on the night were the finalists. Several of the kids were very talented, you couldn't fail to be impressed by them..... but what impressed me more were the others who were just brave enough to get up there and try. I'd love to say that this included my boys........maybe next year guys!

It's always easier not to. It takes real guts to stand up and have a go at something - be that singing in a talent show,starting a new business or whatever. It involves stepping out of your comfort zone and taking a risk. I want to say good for you to all those who try something new - why not let that be you? What is the worst that can happen? If you don't try and achieve something you'll never know just how much you can do. It will always be much more than you think. So set your sights high and decide to step outside your comfort zone in pursuit of your dream.

As Oscar Wilde once said - "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars".

STUMBLING BLOCK OR STEPPING STONE?

I recently read a great quote about optimists. Unfortunately I couldn't remember the author as I sat down to write this.

"Optimists see stumbling blocks as stepping stones".

Often situations can appear very different depending on how you look at them. Starting off in a positive, resourceful frame of mind is a great way to see the best in any given situation. Realising that there will always be some unexpected problems - and not dwelling on them when they occur, helps too. Regard any setbacks as temporary challenges, rather than almighty great blocks in your way. When things go wrong, try and take something positive from the experience - learn something and move on.

Try to focus on the solution rather than on the problem. This keeps your mind working on ways to make things better. Thinking like this really makes a difference - try it. You'll be amazed at how creative you can become at solving what seemed previously to be insoluble problems.

Once you start getting results, you'll begin to expect things to go well. As regular readers will know, there is good evidence that you get more of what you focus on...... so more things will go well in the future. Being optimistic means that you start to look for the best in other people too. When you're not expecting them to let you down you'll begin to see how you can help eachother instead.

I like this stone analogy as it says much more than the glass half full or half empty one. It conveys a dynamism and energy through the idea of stepping forward into a brighter future - now that's got to be worth a try!

WHAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK?

For more than 30 years I have had a fear of going skiing - a big fear.

At the age of 11 I reluctantly went to a friend's birthday party at a dry-ski slope. I felt unsteady just with the boots on, let alone the skis. I remember going up to the first stage on the drag lift, feeling absolutely terrified. Not surprisingly I fell over on the first "run" down, nastily breaking two fingers on the way as I caught them in the matting - ouch!

Since then, hundreds of people I've known have been skiing and all except one has loved it...... but who do you think I have chosen to believe when looking for a reference? Exactly. I have let it build up inside my mind so that the combination of heights, steepness, slipperiness and being cold that skiing represents to me - strikes fear in my mind just to think of it.

As time goes by, kids want to ski. One of mine is going with the school next year and I'm sure the other one will want to go the following year. The dreaded day of having to go skiing "en famille" seemed to be drawing ever closer.

On my recent NLP Master Practitioner course we talked a lot about limiting beliefs. We looked at what we believe about ourselves that is not useful to us. I volunteered my belief that " I would not enjoy going skiing", smiling as I did, thinking what I really meant was I'd be b****y terrified to go skiing! Well, the work we did around that, both directly and indirectly, really seemed to make a difference. On the day I got back from the course I booked up on-line to go to the snow zone slopes in Milton Keynes....... and today was the day.

I wouldn't say I was looking forward to it and was awake during the night thinking about it, but I kept my bargain with myself and headed up there this morning. I was way too early ( a bad habit of mine) and had a lot of time to think about what I was letting myself in for. I was dressed for the arctic with loads of layers on (another bad habit of mine!) as I clambered into my ski-boots, got my bindings adjusted and did up my helmet. Then I staggered out onto the snow with the nine other level one skiers and our instructor and had........ a fantastic hour!

I loved it! OK I wasn't exactly Franz Klammer but I was as good as anyone else in the group and I didn't fall over. Even got my little progress card signed up to say I had passed level one.  I am now feeling thoroughly chuffed with myself and have barely stopped grinning since I got home.

Now I know this wasn't a massive achievement in the big scheme of things but for me..... it was huge. It's about challenging yourself and stepping out of your comfort zone. In life, it's always easier not to..... but where's the fun in that? Have a think, right now, about what's holding you back. What beliefs do you hold about yourself that you'd be better off without? Think about how valid they are for you today....... and get out there and do it!