HOW DO YOU DEFINE SUCCESS?

What do you mean by success?
How do you know when you have succeeded?
If these sound like silly questions...... think again!

Think about it, we don't all mean the same thing by "success" or "failure".
If you feel great when you succeed and bad when you fail - then why not move the goalposts?

Let's take "failure". Now as regular readers will know, I am a huge fan of NLP and I try to live by one of the presuppositions of NLP - "There is no failure - only feedback". Let's say you've tried to do something and you feel you've failed - how do you know? Who made the rules that define it? How much better would your life be if you could re-write those rules and make it almost impossible to fail? Well you can.....

Instead of saying "I've failed if I don't do this absolutely perfectly to the satisfaction of everybody around me", try saying, "I've only failed if I give up part way through, or don't even bother to try". Anything else isn't failure - you've tried, it hasn't worked out - so you can use what you've learned from that experience to try again..... and again if needs be! Thomas Edison took over 900 attempts to design the electric light-bulb. Luckily he didn't see these as failures - or we might all be sitting in the dark!

Same with success - re-define it for yourself to make it much easier to achieve. Maybe just getting to the end of the day in one piece might constitute success. Perhaps it will be knowing that you did the very best that you could, whatever the outcome was.

Take some time today to look at how you define success and failure and make it easy on yourself. You can make up your own rules - so why make it hard for yourself? Start today. Write down a new definition of both success and failure for yourself and start to move those goalposts. You really are the master of your own destiny - make it easy to be the best you can be.

GET CONNECTED !

"No man is an island....." (John Donne)

Have you ever heard yourself saying, "I don't need anyone...!" Probably more in bad times than good, maybe after feeling let down or rejected by someone. Self-sufficiency is an admirable trait but there's an argument for saying that we are not really whole somehow unless we are interacting with others and contributing to society in a larger sense.

 This week I joined a networking group as a way of further expanding my circle of business contacts. As well as being very enjoyable from a social point of view it was very fruitful too. It really brought home to me the importance of establishing and building relationships. It soon became apparent that many of us had similar interests and ideas and could think about working synergistically. Not only that, but people there know a whole cohort of other people, who also have other contacts of their own.... and so it goes on. Helping others really does make you feel good.... it's like sowing seeds for the future, yours and theirs.

People need people. We work best when we do it together. Think about who you know. What do you get from each of those relationships? Are they with supportive and like-minded individuals, or are they draining you of your energy and enthusiasm? Take some time over the next couple of days to think about that.

It's not every day you'll meet a person with whom you feel you can truly connect, but when you do, make sure that they know how much you appreciate them. Take some time this weekend to let your special people know just how much they mean to you. Your investment will be repaid a thousand fold.

Have a peaceful weekend.

COME TO THE EDGE

Once a week, for the next few weeks, I'm going to be looking at some inspirational ideas.

I'm starting today with this poem by Christopher Logue, called "Come to the Edge".

Come to the edge.

We might fall.

Come to the edge,

It's too high!

COME TO THE EDGE!

And they came

and he pushed

and they flew!

This always strikes a chord with me as it reminds me of why I'm a coach. Not only do I believe that we all have so much more inside us, but I am passionate about enabling others to uncover their true potential.

It's about taking risks and pushing boundaries. Yes, we could all live a cosy little life, never venturing outside of our comfort zones....... but is that really living? There is so much more out there for us to see, achieve and contribute to. For me, these words are a wake up call. 

Look at the challenges you are facing in your own life right now. How are you facing up to them? These words urge us not to be afraid and to push ourselves that little bit further than we think we can go. A favourite concept in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is, if you think you can or you think you can't - you're probably right! Often what holds us down is our own opinion of ourselves.

So think on this. If what's really stopping you getting what you want is that you talk yourself out of even trying....... then get out there right now and BELIEVE!

CONTROL WHAT'S INFORMING YOU

Is it just me or is the news getting more depressing?

I'm beginning to wonder why I tune in to the BBC news in the evening these days......

Of course one needs to keep up to date, but you need to balance that against how receiving that information can make you feel. Coupled with this, I think the news is becoming less about world events and more about a select few people's opinions about those events. I want to be able to make up my own mind about the stories, I don't need to be told what to think!

Not only that, but if we're not alert to it, the way that the news or other broadcasting gets into our lives can really influence our mood. What would you rather wake up to - a soothing piece of music or a propaganda-laden radio piece about the state of the economy? What gets you in a better frame of mind - something light and amusing or a heavy item about a pandemic flu epidemic that might never happen?

Don't get me wrong - I'm not advocating sticking your head in the sand and ignoring what's going on out there. We all need to be aware of the state of our world and make a positive contribution towards it. What I'm saying is, choose what information you receive and when you receive it. Take control of what you read, listen to and watch. Don't just sit passively by and get "fed" what others might want you to believe. You know you are better than that and you know you deserve more. When are you going to start taking back that control?

I've begun by choosing not to listen to the news first thing in the morning or last thing at night. It affects my preparation for the day or my relaxation before sleep. I keep up to date in the day, I know what's going on - but I check this out when I'm ready to hear it. Anyone fancy joining me?

WHO ARE YOU?

What makes you, you....?

I was prompted to think of this today when I received a scam email. It was one of those ones trying to get hold of your bank details. It invited me to confirm some details about a non-existent account. I recognised it for what it was, took appropriate action and no harm was done..... but what if my identity had really been stolen? What does our identity really mean to us?

What is it about you that makes you......... well, you?

If you changed your name, would it still be you? I'm sure we'd all agree of course it would be, although it might feel strange at first. How about if you changed the way that you looked? Very radically? There have been a number of face transplants done now......... seeing someone you know with a different face, now that's quite challenging! Did you ever see the film "Face Off" with John Travolta and Nicholas Cage? One gets the other's face in a pretty far-fetched story of revenge and when he does so seems to take on the other's persona too.

Perhaps it's much more than a physical thing? Maybe it's what you know inside of you - your values, your memories, your beliefs? Perhaps this is coming closer to the "soul" of the person. The essential "you-ness" of a person. I think I might just have made that word up..... but I like it and I'm sure you know what I mean by it!

I think it's a question that we can only ever hope to answer for ourselves. Perhaps the important point here is this. What is special about me that makes me who I am?

One of my early posts was about labels and the way that we label ourselves - female, British, football loving dog-owner etc.etc. What labels do you apply to yourself? Mother to X? Son to Y? Doing job Z?

 How do these labels define you and more importantly - how do they limit you? If you put yourself in Box A, then maybe you deny yourself the chance to think about how the world looks from Box B? Or maybe...... even better...... from outside any box at all!

So spend some time today thinking about what defines who you are and makes up your essential "you-ness".  Once you know this, it's easier to understand how others see you and raises your awareness about the essential "you-ness" of others too. Native Americans used to say "You can never understand a person until you walk a mile in their shoes". Maybe this way, you can take those steps inside your mind instead...... Enjoy your day.

100 YEARS YOUNG!

Last Friday saw me going down to Hampshire to attend the 100th birthday party of my great Auntie Cis. What a great day and what a very special lady!

She's the oldest member of my family, although there have been quite a few others who have made it into their nineties - so if you're reading this kids, don't start lining up my nursing home place just yet....

She's very nearly blind now but is very sharp in other ways. We were the first to arrive at the residential home where she lives and went straight over to congratulate her. She was sitting under a huge birthday banner and was flanked by a beautiful cake on one side and her card from the Queen on the other. I asked what she'd been up to so far that day. She told me that lots of people had been taking her photograph - "I've probably cracked a good few lenses already today!"

She was laughing and smiling throughout the afternoon, just how I remember her from my childhood. When I asked her what her secret to a long life was, she told me that she just thought about living for today, one day at a time. She said she didn't worry about yesterday as it had already gone and as she didn't know what tomorrow would bring, there wasn't much point worrying about that. Always just try and enjoy today she said.

Good advice I thought. Try and live in the moment. Maybe she was a Zen buddhist master all along and I just didn't know it! Joking aside.... I'm sure she got it right. Let's face it, she's had 100 years of practice. So here's to you Auntie Cis - congratulations and may you enjoy many more birthdays, you are an example to us all.

NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!

Well the big day came and went..... for the physicists on the Swiss/French border. Their sub-atomic particle collision experiment was given a remote chance of creating enough black holes to lead to the end of civilisation as we know it. About 50 million to one if my sons are to be believed. Eight thirty am passed..... and nothing much happened.

What if the world had been about to end? Would you have been able to look back and think that you made the most of your time here? That you gave of your best and lived your life to the full? Or would you have had regrets? Things left undone or unsaid? Dreams unfulfilled?

Now that today's nearly over, why not use it as an opportunity to say thank you for the fact that you're still here? Use it as a chance to think about what you are really doing with your life. Are you really making the most of now? If not..... why not and what are you going to do to change that?

I'm particularly glad it didn't end today, or I'd have missed out on lunch with a friend of mine - and he was buying! I would also have missed out on reconnecting with the lovely bunch of people with whom I do a course every month in central London.

Mind you, getting home wasn't so easy. My train broke down in the station, making me over an hour late home and I had to postpone a coaching call. But I got home safely in the end, and do you know what?...... it wasn't the end of the world!

WHAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK?

What do you believe that is holding you back?
Maybe you think you're too old to achieve what you want to, or too young?
Perhaps you believe you don't deserve to be successful?

Have you ever thought where beliefs like this come from...... or of the restrictions they place upon you? If for example you believe that you don't deserve to be wealthy - your subconscious mind will spurn all sorts of opportunities to make money. This will stop you getting wealthy, but you "didn't think you deserved to" anyway.... and so it goes on.

These sort of beliefs are known as limiting beliefs. Ofetn they come from comments made by parents or teachers many years before. Authority figures who we regarded as "experts". Without realising it we may still be believing that we are "no good at maths"..... and what is worse - still acting accordingly.

What if you could change those beliefs, how would life be for you then?
Can you imagine how life would be if you just knew that you deserved to have abundance?
How would your life look? How would it feel? Not just now but in 5 or 10 years time?
Really let yourself bask in that great feeling!

Try adopting a new belief. For example - if you currently believe that you don't deserve to be wealthy - try restating this as a new positive belief eg. I deserve to have abundance in my life.
Feel as if that belief is already true for you. It might feel a bit awkward at first, but with practice it will get much easier. Then try acting as if it is already true for you. You'll be surprsied, it won't be long before others start acting in accordance with this to.

The key to change is you - remember, you'll never rise above your own opinion of yourself.
Start today, adopt a new positive belief and begin to create the life you know you deserve!

LIVING THE DREAM

As I write this, I'm watching "Socceraid". It's a televised football match involving a mix of celebrities and former players, in aid of UNICEF. It's on every two years and was the brain-child of singer Robbie Williams. He played last time round and when interviewed at half-time tonight talked about how wearing the England shirt and running out at Wembley was, for him, living the dream.

Regular readers will know I'm a huge football fan, so I can see where Robbie was coming from on this one. My playing days are long since over and my old team, Garston Ladies, weren't exactly Man Utd. even in my day! 

It made me think though - what's your dream and more importantly, what are you doing to ensure that it becomes reality?

We all need to have dreams. Some of these might be relatively small things, others might seem much bigger and less easy to attain. Don't let this put you off though. All it takes to achieve any dream is the will to succeed, a plan of action and the courage to take that first step. After that, you're on your way and if you keep taking steps, however small, in the right direction, you are going to get there. Remember, everything you do either takes you closer to, or further away from any goal.

What small step are you going to take tomorrow to move you closer to your dream?

SEIZE THE DAY!

Those of you who, like me, love the film "Dead Poets' Society", starring Robin Williams, may remember that this was his mantra for the students. He used it to inspire his initially reluctant class to great things. Remember how they all stood up on their desks one by one?

Today's post is not about clambering on your furniture - what you get up to in the privacy of your own home is none of my business! It is about really making the most of every opportunity that comes your way. 

I believe that we make our own luck. I don't accept that certain people are born lucky. I think they just get out there and make the most of everything that comes their way. It's all too easy to sit back and blame fate for dealing you a bad hand. Why not just get out there and play the best game that you can with what you've been given?

Joe Vitale has a lot to say about this in his various books. I especially like "The Attractor Factor". It's great to listen to on your I-pod in the gym. You feel as if you're stretching your mind as well as your body. One of his favourite sayings is "The Universe loves speed". Once an idea comes to you, whether you believe it's from God or the Divine or wherever - you need to act on it fast. Have you ever had a good idea, done nothing about it and then found soon afterwards that someone else has done the very thing that you didn't? I certainly have - and it's really annoying!

If you know something is right for you, even if it seems a little different or a little risky right now - try just doing it. Don't delay and leave yourself open to the hollow, empty feeling of what might have been..... rather like Anthony Hopkins' character in "The Remains of the Day" - one of my favourite films of all time. Make sure you really seize the day!

BEING IN FLOW

Do you ever have days when everything just seems to work out? Of course you do. Days when, however busy you are.... you just manage to do everything that needs doing, easily and effortlessly. In NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming), this is called being in flow.

I had one of those days today, in fact, I've had one of those weeks! It's been an important week for me. My younger son started at secondary school and loves it..... and I've rearranged my working week to a pattern that feels fantastic. Instead of spreading my 3.5 days of GP work out over 5 days, I now work three full days in the surgery. This gives me two full weekdays to devote to coaching, writing, personal growth etc. 

It may only have been week one but what a week it's been. Despite being very busy in the surgery I have felt really enthused and energized there. Today was a classic example. Not only did I have two very sick patients this morning who both needed emergency ambulance transfer to hospital but we had a major computer failure this afternoon. It was also extremely busy with lots of patients needing to be seen before the weekend. It could have been chaotic, I could have really struggled..... but no. Not only did everyone get sorted out efficiently but it felt effortless and I really enjoyed myself. The whole team were fantastic today - and I made sure that they all knew it too.

Experiences like that are great. They nourish and sustain you through the tougher times, but how can we repeat them? In NLP this is called modelling - looking at what works well in a situation and repeating it. What were you thinking, feeling, doing in a successful situation.... and how can you make sure you replicate that when you need to perform like that again?

Think about a time when you've experienced a challenging situation and performed in a way you've been really proud of. Think back through it in detail - what was happening in you that made it so good? What were you saying to yourself? What were you thinking? How were you behaving? Think how you can get back into that positive, resourceful mindset for next time you need to be on top form.

Life is easy when you are in flow like this. Spend a few moments now thinking about how you can use your past experiences to create a better future. What are you waiting for?

WHAT ARE YOU TAKING FOR GRANTED?

What things in your life do you take for granted?
I've been thinking about that in the last week or so as I haven't any internet access - something that I definitely take for granted. Last week I was on holiday in Ireland. Our cottage didn't have broadband and the dial-up connection was slow and unreliable - hence not much in the way of blogging got done...... another thing I just assume that I can do whenever the mood grabs me.

Once back at home, I discovered that our broadband connection was down. Not only does that make it harder to keep in touch with people but the kids rely on it for homework etc. They still look at me vacantly when told that when I was their age, researching something meant reading a book, often having to cycle to the library to get it. Googling it just wasn't an option. According to them this dates me somewhere around the Jurassic period!

Challenging as that is, it's trivial in the grand scheme of things - but what really important things or people in our lives are we taking for granted right now? The food you eat, the water you drink, the clothes you wear, the money you earn..... who do you depend on for all of that? How about your friends, your colleagues, your family, your partner - what are they doing for you and when did you last really stop and think about that?

We all need eachother. However independent we might like to think we are, we are all connected in someway, all part of the greater whole. Spend some time today just noticing the other people and things in your life. Why not let them know how much you appreciate them? Next time someone does something nice for you, tell them - take that second and really make a difference to someone else's day too. When now will you start doing that?