THE SECRET MILLIONAIRE

Have you ever watched "The Secret Millionaire" on Channel 4?

If not, you've missed a treat and I'd urge you to look out for the next series.

The idea of the programme is that a millionaire goes undercover into a community, does voluntary work for a few weeks and then donates some of their own money to some of the good causes they have worked with. It is a really heart-warming watch as you see them taken out of their comfort zone, made to live on £8 a day and become part of the local community. They give 10's of thousands of pounds to the projects, even £ 250,000 was given last series. The donations make such an enormous difference to the community projects and it is wonderful to see the look on the faces of those who have strived tirelessly for years, now knowingly that their project can expand and thrive thanks to the donations.

But the real winners are the millionaires themselves. They always get much more out of it than the people they give the money to. For many of them, the programme has been a turning point in their lives, realising that there is so much more to life than the pursuit of money and possessions. The follow-up programme earlier this week showed that not only have the projects continued but the relationships formed have thrived too. The millionaires really grew as people. 

It can be all too easy to focus in on ourselves and to concentrate on the needs of ourselves and our immediate family. The lesson of a programme like this is surely that there can be so much joy for us in giving and in contributing to our community in a wider sense.

So with the New Year almost upon us, what can you do to make a difference in your community? Maybe you can donate money to a local charity or give up some time to take part in a voluntary project. If we all gave a little bit of ourselves, the world would be a much better place. Why not start thinking about what you can do to help others in 2009. Talk to family and friends - make it fun. Everyone I know who volunteers says they get far more out of it than they ever realised was possible.

I wish you a wonderful 2009. May peace be with us all.

 I leave you with the words of Ghandi:

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

The New Year is nearly upon us and now is a great time to start working on those New Year's resolutions. It's traditionally a time for looking back at the old year - at what went well and what not so well - and also a time to look ahead to the future.

So as you think about how your life will be better next year - what should you bear in mind?

Make sure your goals are:

• What you want to achieve - not what you think you should be doing.
• Really attractive - what Anthony Robbins would call "juicy goals".
• Realistic. They need to stretch you and push you out of your comfort zone but shouldn't be completely unattainable.
• Specific - the better you define what you want to achieve, the more likely you are to do so.
• Timed - when do you want to do this by? Can you break it down into smaller chunks?
• In many different areas of your life. Don't just think about losing weight or getting a new job - remember your relationships, friendships, hobbies, personal development and spiritual areas too.

Be sure to write your goals down. This seems to work on a number of levels. The act of writing means you have to have really given them some thought. Putting them on paper also seems to help the unconscious mind work on them at times when your conscious mind is busy with other things.

A study of graduates from Yale University in the 7o's looked at who had written down their financial goals - only 3% of graduates had done so. Remarkably, when followed up 10 years later, this 3% were worth more, in financial terms, than the other 97% put together!

Don't under-estimate the power of writing down your goals.

If you haven't yet written down your goals for 2009 - when now is a good time to do so?

WHAT MONEY CAN'T BUY

Commercialism is everywhere, especially at Christmas........ even in a time of recession, so it was lovely to read this quote in my inbox this morning.

"It's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good too, to check up once in a while and make sure you haven't lost the things money can't buy". (George Lorimer)

It can be all too easy to get caught up in the materialism of today's society. The need to have stuff, more stuff and to have it now has probably played a big part in getting the developed world where it is now economically. Maybe in a time when many of us have a little less, we'll be better placed to appreciate the fabulous wealth around us that money can't buy.

As a very young child I went to see the premiere of the original version of the film of "A Christmas Carol". The actor who played Scrooge was sitting in front of us. At the part where Scrooge touches the burning hot wall of hell..... and jumps, I jumped too - almost out of my little skin! I can remember it vividly. Anyway, I digress......

In the story, Charles Dickens had Scrooge see the error of his ways after he is visited during sleep by the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future. He awakens as a changed man. On realising that he has not missed Christmas Day he does everything he can to make up for all his past cruelty by giving to others. He is forever changed by the experience and realises that hoarding money is not the route to happiness. He learns to appreciate the wonder of the world around him and experiences the joy of giving.

As a society we are unlikely to have such a ghostly visitation en masse this Christmas season, but perhaps somehow the economic downturn might make us appreciate all that we do have to be grateful for. So as you spend time with your family and friends this festive season, take time to remember all that is good in your life. We all have much to be grateful for, sometimes we just need to stop....look, listen and feel...... to notice the wonder that has been there all along. Feeling closer to your God or to the Universe on a deeply spiritual level.

Wishing you all a wonderful, peaceful, heart-warming Christmas.

MUM - THIS ONE'S FOR YOU!

It's a busy time of year for us all with Christmas almost upon us, but for me, 21st December is always a difficult day. It is the anniversary of my mum's death and even though it's 28 years ago now it's not an easy time. I was only 15 when she died from breast cancer after a long illness. She had spent much of the previous two years in and out of hospital. The last time I saw her, she was being carried downstairs on a stretcher to go back into hospital for the last time. She was bright yellow from jaundice and weighed about 4 stone. She was 35 years old.

Her name was Lynn and she loved Christmas, and Christmas in our house was amazing. Even the year that she died she had bought and wrapped presents for everyone.

She was the best mum ever. More than that, she was the funniest, most loving and generous human being who ever walked the planet. Even if she couldn't swim or ride a bike and had an almost pathological hatred of pineapple that meant she wouldn't even have one in the house. It became our favourite treat at Nan and Grandad's house; with cream and custard if you couldn't make your mind up! 

Strangely, one of my most poignant memories from that time is the Jona Lewie song "Stop the Cavalry". Whenever I hear that record I am back in 1980 and going to visit my mum in hospital for one of the last times. That song is a very powerful anchor for me.

Losing a parent at that age had a profound effect on me. It made me grow up very quickly and become much more independent, resilient and mentally strong. It also made me never take anything for granted and to this day really helps me make the most of now.

Nowadays I do my best to make Christmas a special time for my own little family. I was very lucky, my mum was always very proud of me when I was a kid. Mum - wherever you are now.... I hope you still are. This one's for you!

THERE'S PLENTY OF GOOD OUT THERE.

It's all too easy at this time of year to get caught up in the preparations for Christmas and lose sight of what is going on in the wider world. The media of course do their best to stop this from happening - their daily tales of doom and gloom fill our TV screens, papers and radio waves even more than before.

We are continually being told that we are in recession and this can sometimes make it feel as if nothing is good in our world. But oh how wrong that would be.......

I was hugely touched recently by the story of a man in San Diego who lost his wife and child after a light aircraft struck their house. I heard him interviewed soon afterwards and although obviously devastated by what had happened, he still found time to say that he forgave the pilot (who survived) as he didn't want the pilot's whole life to be ruined regretting what had happened. I found his humility and courage incredibly moving.

On a different and much lighter note, I recently attended my boys' school's version of X factor. It was a talent show open to the whole school. Auditions had been held 2 months previously and the dozen or so kids who performed on the night were the finalists. Several of the kids were very talented, you couldn't fail to be impressed by them..... but what impressed me more were the others who were just brave enough to get up there and try. I'd love to say that this included my boys........maybe next year guys!

It's always easier not to. It takes real guts to stand up and have a go at something - be that singing in a talent show,starting a new business or whatever. It involves stepping out of your comfort zone and taking a risk. I want to say good for you to all those who try something new - why not let that be you? What is the worst that can happen? If you don't try and achieve something you'll never know just how much you can do. It will always be much more than you think. So set your sights high and decide to step outside your comfort zone in pursuit of your dream.

As Oscar Wilde once said - "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars".

STUMBLING BLOCK OR STEPPING STONE?

I recently read a great quote about optimists. Unfortunately I couldn't remember the author as I sat down to write this.

"Optimists see stumbling blocks as stepping stones".

Often situations can appear very different depending on how you look at them. Starting off in a positive, resourceful frame of mind is a great way to see the best in any given situation. Realising that there will always be some unexpected problems - and not dwelling on them when they occur, helps too. Regard any setbacks as temporary challenges, rather than almighty great blocks in your way. When things go wrong, try and take something positive from the experience - learn something and move on.

Try to focus on the solution rather than on the problem. This keeps your mind working on ways to make things better. Thinking like this really makes a difference - try it. You'll be amazed at how creative you can become at solving what seemed previously to be insoluble problems.

Once you start getting results, you'll begin to expect things to go well. As regular readers will know, there is good evidence that you get more of what you focus on...... so more things will go well in the future. Being optimistic means that you start to look for the best in other people too. When you're not expecting them to let you down you'll begin to see how you can help eachother instead.

I like this stone analogy as it says much more than the glass half full or half empty one. It conveys a dynamism and energy through the idea of stepping forward into a brighter future - now that's got to be worth a try!

WHAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK?

For more than 30 years I have had a fear of going skiing - a big fear.

At the age of 11 I reluctantly went to a friend's birthday party at a dry-ski slope. I felt unsteady just with the boots on, let alone the skis. I remember going up to the first stage on the drag lift, feeling absolutely terrified. Not surprisingly I fell over on the first "run" down, nastily breaking two fingers on the way as I caught them in the matting - ouch!

Since then, hundreds of people I've known have been skiing and all except one has loved it...... but who do you think I have chosen to believe when looking for a reference? Exactly. I have let it build up inside my mind so that the combination of heights, steepness, slipperiness and being cold that skiing represents to me - strikes fear in my mind just to think of it.

As time goes by, kids want to ski. One of mine is going with the school next year and I'm sure the other one will want to go the following year. The dreaded day of having to go skiing "en famille" seemed to be drawing ever closer.

On my recent NLP Master Practitioner course we talked a lot about limiting beliefs. We looked at what we believe about ourselves that is not useful to us. I volunteered my belief that " I would not enjoy going skiing", smiling as I did, thinking what I really meant was I'd be b****y terrified to go skiing! Well, the work we did around that, both directly and indirectly, really seemed to make a difference. On the day I got back from the course I booked up on-line to go to the snow zone slopes in Milton Keynes....... and today was the day.

I wouldn't say I was looking forward to it and was awake during the night thinking about it, but I kept my bargain with myself and headed up there this morning. I was way too early ( a bad habit of mine) and had a lot of time to think about what I was letting myself in for. I was dressed for the arctic with loads of layers on (another bad habit of mine!) as I clambered into my ski-boots, got my bindings adjusted and did up my helmet. Then I staggered out onto the snow with the nine other level one skiers and our instructor and had........ a fantastic hour!

I loved it! OK I wasn't exactly Franz Klammer but I was as good as anyone else in the group and I didn't fall over. Even got my little progress card signed up to say I had passed level one.  I am now feeling thoroughly chuffed with myself and have barely stopped grinning since I got home.

Now I know this wasn't a massive achievement in the big scheme of things but for me..... it was huge. It's about challenging yourself and stepping out of your comfort zone. In life, it's always easier not to..... but where's the fun in that? Have a think, right now, about what's holding you back. What beliefs do you hold about yourself that you'd be better off without? Think about how valid they are for you today....... and get out there and do it!

INVESTING IN YOURSELF

One of my sons has written "one month until Christmas" on our calendar for tomorrow. It made me smile and remember that now old fashioned saying of X number of shopping days left before Christmas.... that was before every day became a potential shopping day. Don't get me started on that!

So as you look back on 2008, how do you feel? What have you achieved? What is still left for you to do? What unexpected events did you have to cope with and how did these challenges help you to grow? What could have gone better? How would you handle these situations now if you could wind the clock back? Think of this as a learning exercise - there is always something to be gained from every experience, even if it seems like a negative one at the time. Remember the NLP presupposition I'm so fond of..... No failure, only feedback.

It will soon been New Year, with all that that entails, the traditional time for looking ahead and planning changes. Why not get in there early this year and start thinking now about what you want to get out of your life next year. What needs to happen for you to reach your goals?

Maybe you have old limiting beliefs getting in your way? NLP is a great way of tackling these. A Master Practitioner like myself could really help you look at why you believe a particular thing and examine the evidence supporting it. Often by doing this and really looking critically at why you think that way, an old belief will just melt away - to be replaced by a new, much more supportive one.

Getting support from a coach really makes a difference when it comes to making your desired changes. Why not put yourself at the top of your own list for once and treat yourself to some coaching sessions? You will be making an investment in your own future. I promise you you'll be very glad that you did.

TIME DISTORTION

It's been a busy couple of weeks for me but life is now beginning to settle down again. I am back from Birmingham having successfully completed my course and so am now a Master Practitioner of NLP. I'm also back in my GP surgery as well as keeping very busy with my coaching clients.

Whilst on the course we looked at Time Distortion and at the sub-modalities of fast and slow time. Let me explain......

Think about a time when you were really having fun, doing something you loved doing. Perhaps a favourite sport or hobby, or spending time with friends or family. I bet time just seemed to fly by didn't it? Now think about a time when you were worried, nervous or bored. How slowly did the time seem to pass then.....?

Try and really think yourself back into those experiences as if you were reliving them right now. Notice what the pictures look like, how big they are, what the colours are like, if they are bright or dim, blurry or focused. Notice the location of the image for you. Are there any sounds associated with time passing quickly, or any feelings? Do the same with a slow time event. There are no right or wrong answers, just take some time to notice what it means for you. With practice you can then adapt the qualities or sub-modalities of an experience to allow you to make it feel as if time is passing faster or more slowly then in reality.

You won't want to feel as if you've spent hours queueing at the bank but you might want other experiences to be enjoyed for longer. Try it. I used parts of this technique in the gym on Wednesday and an hour of cycling just flew by. I used one of the recumbant bikes whilst re-reading Richard Bandler's "Trance Formations." Reading allows me to concentrate solely on the area directly in front of me with total attention. I was vaguely aware of my surroundings but they were blurry. The first time I looked up, 48 minutes (and more importantly, 350 calories!) had passed. 

So next time it seems as if time is passing very fast or too slowly - think about what's happening and learn how to use it to your advantage. Have a great weekend.

WHAT STATE ARE YOU IN?

Much of NLP is based around learning to control your own state. That means much more than just the mood you are in, although that is a big part of it. It also includes how you are standing, moving, breathing, what expression you have on your face, as well as how you are feeling on the inside. Altering these things is under your control so choosing to do so in a way that positively affects your state is to be actively encouraged. 

We have been working not only on getting ourselves into great states but in inducing them in others. These can include many different states - from relaxed to energized, from resourceful to playful, from excited to calm and mellow etc.- you really do have a choice. Once induced, the states can be anchored - that is, connected to a physical stimulus, and then recreated at will. With practice they can be recreated very intensely indeed. We've been experimenting with this, whilst working with others both in and out of trance.

In addition we've been doing a lot of work around language patterns - truisms, presuppositions and the use of the Meta and Milton models. It has been a fantastic course so far. Three more days to go and loads more stuff still to explore.

NLP really has changed my life. If you are interested to learn how it could change yours too - drop me an email. When now would be a good time to do that?

HYPNOSIS

I'm now at the end of day 5 of my nine day Master Practitioner course and what a couple of days it's been since my last post.

Yesterday was devoted entirely to hypnosis and practising taking eachother into and out of trance. This was mind-blowing enough but was nothing compared to the Deep Trance Identification work we did in the afternoon - absolutely awesome. The consensus in the bar afterwards was that it would have been worth the course fee just for that - fantastic. I was the demonstration subject for this and quite honestly wouldn't have believed what happened if it hadn't have been happening to me....

The sheer buzz in the room was unbelievable, you really did need to be there to understand it. We're becoming very close as a group and that fact that there are only eight of us means we get pretty much individual attention from Mark, our trainer.

Today, we looked at decision making, beliefs and logical levels. Learning as always being re-inforced by trance phenomena throughout - amazing.

You'll also be glad to know that I've now got the geography of Birmingham well sorted and have learned to play Texas Hold 'em Poker. Not only that but I cleaned the others out..... before we got chucked out of the bar.... despite only playing for chips..."rules are rules I'm afraid'. Me thinks we should have seen the manager coming and done a pattern interrupt...... maybe next time!

HOW DO YOU DECIDE ?

Day three of my Master Practitioner course in Birmingham.

You'll be pleased to hear it's eventually stopped raining and I've sussed out the way to the gym..... without needing to resort to buying a map!

We concentrated today on strategies. Just how do you take a decision? What strategy do you use? Maybe you hadn't really thought about it before, it's not something that I'd spent much time on previously either. We looked at the seemingly simple example of how we had each chosen what to eat the previous day....... simple it was not!

It was amazing to discover the different strategies that we all used. The combinations of building mental pictures of the dishes, tasting them in our minds and talking to ourselves about them was fascinating. We looked in more detail at how the position of those pictures and the location of those voices affected how we felt about them.

Although it can vary in different situations, individuals tend to take decisions in one of a few ways that become familiar to them - their own strategies. Think back to a decision you've made recently. Try and think about how you made it. What steps did you go through to get there? How did you know that it was the right decision for you? Maybe you think that you just knew it had to be a certain way, but I bet if you allow yourself to, you'll discover many steps before then. 

So next time you decide something, remember, there's much more behind it than you thought. When now would be a good time to start to study it?

TAKE COURAGE

On Remembrance Sunday, a quote from a war hero seemed to be appropriate.
Winston Churchill once said, "Courage is the greatest of all virtues for on it, all others depend".

I'm up in Birmingham at the moment on a nine day residential course for my NLP Master Practitioner. It is a fantsatic experience and I have already learned so much.

We're a small group, just seven, soon to be eight and so we are all getting to know each other pretty well. The work is quite intense and experiential. Much of it is about learning new techniques and having the courage to apply them in different sitautions. The message is - just try it, see what happens. We are building our toolkits and learning how best to utilise our skills by practising on eachother. Oh, and we're having a great laugh too!

I have also learned how much it rains in Birmingham and how difficult it is to find your way around..... even armed with an internet print-out and a sat nav (which admittedly could do with it's software updating as it doesn't seem to recognise some of the tunnels). I've a horrible feeling I might have to resort to a map! So much for technology eh.....

I feel a small glow of pride as I tell you that I've crossed Birmingham each evening in torrential rain to go to the gym. It should have been about a 15 mile round trip but somehow last night I put 33 miles on the clock! Still, I was in no hurry. I'm in the priviledged position of being able to spend protected time doing something that I love and I intend to make the most of every second of it.

So, take courage and see what you can new thing you can try tomorrow, or even better tonight. What's the worst that can happen if it doesn't work out? Remember that NLP presupposition - there's no failure, only feedback. The more you try, the more you learn. More from Birmingham tomorrow.

NEVILLIZE YOUR GOALS !

This is a great technique based on the work and thinking of Neville Goddard (1905 to 1972). The term "Nevillizing" was used by Joe Vitale in his books "The Attractor factor" and "The Key".

It works like this.......

When working towards a goal, help to make it really vivid by imagining that you have already achieved it. Then describe how it feels in intimate detail to have or be the thing that you desire. Better still write it down.

For example, if your goal is to get a new convertible car, see yourself leaving your house and walking across your drive to it. The sun is glinting on it's beautiful sleek metallic paintwork. As you slide in you feels the sumptuous leather seat envelop you. As you turn on the engine you feel the powerful roar of the engine beneath you. You pull away effortlessly and glide through twisty country lanes with the gentle breeze in your hair....... sounds good eh? 

Try it for yourself. Put in as much detail as you can, really personalise it. What can you see, hear, feel, smell, touch even taste? I'm running a workshop today and I'll be using this technique with my group. Don't just read this and think - "oh yeah, sounds good, I'll have a go later". Give yourself 10 minutes right now to start creating your future. What are you waiting for?

THE END OF AN ERA FOR WATFORD

Yesterday saw the departure of Adrian Boothroyd as manager of Watford FC....
He's been our manager since March 2005 and during that time took the club to the Premiership by winning the play off final in Cardiff - a day that will live long in my memory. We also reached an FA Cup semi-final during that time. Sadly recently, results have not gone our way. It seems to be the way these days that clubs are expected to win all the time. He was always conscious of the need to do this though and once said "yesterday's goals don't win tomorrow's matches."

Aidy, like myself is a big fan of NLP and famously used many of the techniques on the players. He led them on a walk across hot coals in his first year in the job. His motivational techniques were legendary for getting the best out of people. He wore his heart on his sleeve during interviews and the fans loved him for his honesty and passion.

As well as all of that, he was a thoroughly nice bloke. I met him after the Charlton match in the premiership season. We started that game really well and raced into a 2 - 0 lead, unfortunately it finished in a 2 - 2 draw. Despite this, when I met him in the changing room after the game, he remained upbeat and dignified. He was always positive and looking to learn from every situation.
He was kind enough to sign the photograph later on and I have it on the wall of my consulting room.

For me, he is an inspirational figure and one I am proud to have met. I regret the fact that he has gone from the club - for me it was not the right decision......

So Aidy, thanks for 3 great years and good luck in your future career. This Watford fan has learned a lot from you during your time at the club.

CHANGE STARTS WITH YOU.....

"Be the change that you want to see in the world"
( Mahatma Ghandi )

Continung my series about inspiring quotes, I'm bringing you this one that I find very helpful.

Too often these days people complain of feeling powerless. They talk of things, usually bad things, going on around tham and happening to them - as if they have no control over them. Not only are the events themselves stressful but the lack of ability to influence them is stressful too.

This quote stresses the need to influence those things that are under your control. You perhaps can't change other people but you can change yourself..... and this may then have an effect on others. For example, if you go around complaining that you want the world to be a happier place, then why not start with your own little corner of it? Put a smile on your face and be nice to people for no reason at all - go on, I dare you. Didn't hurt now did it....... and I bet you felt a little better too!

Imagine if a lot of others did this all at the same time. You might not recognise the place! Once others can see how the changes that you have made are having such a positive effect on you, who knows, they might just join you.

So don't waste your time and energy worrying about what you cannot directly influence, concentrate instead on making yourself into a role model for the rest of the world to follow. Be proud of who you are and of the fact that you are developing and growing as a person. There is so much more inside of you - get your light out from under that bushel and give yourself licence to shine!

WHAT'S DRIVING YOU ?

Not a post about cars..... even though my boys expose me to Top Gear far more than is good for a person. Nor an opportunity for me to daydream about an XK8 convertible, antigua blue...... perhaps not today at least. Southern softies like me aren't used to snow.

No, I'm talking about what motivates you to achieve what you want to do? Understanding this goes a long way to helping you reach your goals. Do you really want that new car, bigger house, new job etc. for yourself - or are you chasing it to fulfill what you feel is expected of you?

It's not just about knowing what you want..... it's about understanding why you want it. Your subconscious mind is really clever, much more clever than any bits that you and I have control over. Thank goodness, as it's the bit that stops us wrapping ourselves around a tree when our mind wanders driving home at night. If your subconscious mind knows you don't really want what you say you want, or want it just to please someone else.... then guess what? You won't get it. Your subconscious will find some way of preventing it from happening. This is called self-sabotage.

Think about one of those New year's resolutions you made, that didn't come to anything. Maybe you kept them up for a few days and then..... you slipped back to your old habits. The most likely reason is that you self-sabotaged. Not only must you really want what you claim to want, but you must be prepared to walk the talk to get it.

Next time you think you want something, consider why you want it too. This will get your subconscious mind on-board too. Now there's a safe driver for you......

EXTRA TIME

Although from the title, this blog post could have been all about football...... I'll curb my passion for the moment and spare you the details of another home defeat for Watford.

No, the extra time refers to the clocks having gone back on Sunday morning. So what did you do with your extra hour? I always remember being fascinated by the concept of the clocks changing when I was a child. So how did it work, does it mean there were two 2am's in the autumn change..... and in the spring change is 3am missed out altogether? I also remember hearing about a group of people protesting one spring that an hour of their life had been "taken away" by the clocks going forward. Even then, I remember thinking, well why waste another few hours moaning about it then? Why not just get on with it? You see, even then I was a practical sort of person! 

Do you think you make the best use of your time? How much time do you waste in an average day, week or month? Why not start today by looking at how you spend your time - it might show you that you have more time available than you thought.

Divide the day into 10 minute slots on a piece of paper (Excel spreadsheet or Blackberry for you techno freaks out there) and note down everything you do over the course of an average day. And yes..... I do mean everything. Then total them up. Look at how much time you devote to each activity and then to how much time you spend....... well, not doing very much. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating filling every second of every one of your days with a frenzied blur of activity. No, the purpose of this exercise is to illustrate that next time you say "I haven't got time for that", you might be able to think to yourself - "Maybe I have" and here's the crunch point, "if I want to find it". Never forget that we are human beings, not human doings. Sometimes what we need is just simply to be.

So next time someone says to you - "where did the day go?" you'll know..... and you'll have a choice. You can fit more in if you want to, you can choose to just "be" for a while...... or you can waste your life in useless protest. But then that would be just another waste of time!

ON BEING COACHED MYSELF

I had my appraisal at work yesterday - in my GP job, and unlike most of my colleagues, I really enjoyed it. I think in many ways it drew a line in the sand for me and was a real marker of how much my life has moved on over the last 12 months. I attribute this largely to life coaching - not only the coaching of my clients but to being coached myself. (Thank you Chris x )

Coaching has made an enormous difference to how I approach things. It has made me take a step back and evaluate what I really want from my life. It has also helped me think about how to achieve this - by keeping me focused on the solutions rather than on the problems. I now routinely do things that would have been a distant dream 18 months ago. I positively enjoy networking and think nothing of organizing talks and workshops. I enjoy the chance to get out there and talk to people about coaching. I know there is so much more inside of me and I'm passionate about enabling others to uncover their true potential too.

The people I've met within the coaching community are very special people indeed. They all have a real spark about them and a generosity of spirit that comes from just knowing that their best is yet to come. As I write this, I'm excited about the future and about the twists and turns that life has in store. I don't let the media detract from my positivity. I don't give them permission to so why should you?

Now if I can make these changes, anyone can. Just decide, today, that this is the start of a new and better phase in your life. I would love to coach you and work with you while you make these changes too. Get yourself a coach - I can't recommend it highly enough.

GET POSITIVE !

Another quote for you today..... and a pretty topical one too.

"Whenever God wants to give us a gift, he wraps it up in a problem".
(Norman Vincent-Peale)

Do you know someone who always seems to see the best in people?
Someone who seems to be able to make the best of a difficult situation?
One who can look beyond the immediate problem and start to find the solution?

I hope that you do. The world needs more of them.
Are they just lucky? Do bad things just not happen to them?
Of course not. They get their share of adversity just like everybody else - they've just learned how to handle it differently. They don't spend their time wallowing and wondering "why me" but instead look for what they can learn from any given situation.

What can we learn from people like this and how can we use what they do to help us? In NLP this is known as modelling. It means looking closely at the behaviours and characteristics of a successful person and adopting them yourself as a fast-track way to achieving success.

We can start by adopting a positive mental attitude. Whatever you feel like inside, put a smile on your face. It makes you feel a bit better inside doesn't it? People will smile back too and that'll start to lift your spirits. Look out for what's good in your world and look for what you can change. Deciding to be happy and taking control of your life really are possible for you - however you feel right now. You really do have a choice in this. Don't be a victim - stand up and take control of your own destiny.

BENEFITING FROM THE CREDIT CRUNCH

We are constantly being fed a diet of gloom and doom by the media at the moment. Turn on the Robert Peston show (I think it used to be called the BBC news) and it's story after story of "the worst day ever for stocks/shares/banks/investors.." fill in the blank for yourself.

For sure there is a lot of change,my nearest and dearest are not exempt from it either, but is it all bad? How you feel about a change is determined by what you tell yourself it means for you. The way you look at something determines your response to it. In NLP we call this reframing - it's about finding an alternative way to view something, a way that enables you to respond more positively.

Losing your job can be devastating. It can bring with it loss of self-esteem, uncertainty about the immediate future and a worry about how you are going to cope. Alternatively - it could be a new beginning. Maybe, if you're really honest, you didn't much like that job anyway. Perhaps you were in a comfortable rut - not really happy but not yet unhappy enough to do something about it. Sound familiar? Maybe being forced to re-evaluate what you really want from a job and look for something else could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Perhaps a spell with less money coming in sounds frightening at first - but what if you see it as an opportunity to look at what you are spending and to see how you can simplify your life? Sometimes trimming our excesses does us good in lots of other ways. Drinking less alcohol, eating out less and walking instead of using the car are good for our health as well as our pockets. Really thinking about your food shopping means less waste - that's good for the planet too.

Sometimes we all need a nudge to make changes that will be good for us in the long run. I believe that things happen for a reason, even if we don't understand the reason right now. Accepting what has happened, looking for the positives in it and moving forward take up so much less energy than stressing about it anyway. Worry is an exhausting an unproductive emotion. Far better to use what has happened to your advantage. Remember that you are so much more resourceful than you give yourself credit for. Don't just think about surviving the credit crunch - think about how you can use it as a wake up call to change your life for the better! 

MEETING RICHARD BANDLER

Last Friday I attended an NLP training day in central London. It was organised by Acuity Doctor, an organisation I had trained with before. The afternoon included a three hour session with Dr.Richard Bandler, co-creator of NLP and something of a hero of mine.

The day started well, beautiful weather, train on time, lovely walk to the venue in the sunshine. It got even better when as soon as I walked into the hotel I was greeted by a guy who'd read my piece in the Acuity Doctor newsletter about my coaching practice. He recognised me straight away and we had a good chat. There were lots of people there who I'd met at previous NLP events or whom I'd worked with over the years. Excellent. It was also a great forum to chat to many of the 250 doctors present, to make new friends and to promote my business.

But the best was yet to come.... after a really enjoyable morning session, Dr.Bandler took to the stage. He was amazing. He spoke for three hours and held the whole audience captivated. He demonstrated a few of his NLP techniques, many with new shortcuts that he has devised. I really wanted to meet him, but he's somewhat awe-inspiring. I had put my camera into my bag, just in case, but could I really go up to him and ask him? Still... if you don't ask......and what's the worst that could happen?

Regular readers will know what a difference NLP has made to my life. If you ever get the chance to explore it for yourself, take it. Even better - if you ever get the chance to meet Richard Bandler - go for it!

CONCENTRATE ON YOU

An interesting thought occured to me yesterday whilst out walking my dog. As I crossed the bridge over the by-pass I was buffeted my quite a strong wind, but as I walked on down across the next field towards home, I looked across at the wind turbine about a quarter of a mile away.... it wasn't moving.

It made me think about how being in one envirnment doesn't necessarily mean you have to be experiencing the same conditions as someone very close to you. Think of "the credit crunch". Turn on the TV, open the paper, listen to the radio - you'd be forgiven for thinking it was all doom and gloom.... but it doesn't have to be like that. You can choose to maintain your own positive mental state, whatever else may be going on around you.

Don't waste your energy stressing about things that you can't directly influence. Instead, devote your time and effort to making the very best you can of the one thing within your control - you!

So don't just sigh and be dragged down with all the rest, you're better than that. You have all the resources within you to succeed, it's just a case of recognising and using them. Others may buckle but you are strong - remember, we are like tea bags - we don't know how strong we are until we get into hot water! Recognise and acknowledge your own strength today.... and let your flavour flood out!

TAKE YOUR CHANCES

Continuing my series about inspiring quotes, I love this one from US Hockey player Wayne Gretzky

"You miss every shot you don't take"

For me this is about ensuring that you seize every opportunity that comes your way, but it's much more than that. It symbolises the need to try, even when you feel the chances of success aren't that great.

Every time we try to do something and it doesn't quite work out for us, it's an opportunity to learn. Not only about how to accomplish that particular task, but also about ourselves. Use each unsuccessful attempt to shape your next try. Learn something and use it to inform subsequent efforts.

It's also about bravery. Too many great ideas fall by the wayside because people don't have the courage to even try them. Ask yourself this question - what would be the worst that could happen if I did? Really think about that. Chances are you'll realise that any imagined consequences are fairly trivial and not an excuse for failing to just get out there and give it a go! Even if you don't think you're brave enough right now, try acting as if you are - see last post. Deliberately adopt the attitude, posture, mannerisms etc. of a brave person and as Nike say - just do it!

So think about what you want to achieve today and when the chance comes your way - be sure to grab it with both hands.

ACTING AS IF

In the last post I talked about changing your definition of success - to make it easier for you to succeed. Another great way to feel better about yourself is to imagine that you are already successful and behave accordingly - a technique called acting as if.

Try this. Think about a time when you achieved something you were really proud of. Maybe it was a struggle but you dug in there and you did it. Well done! How did you feel? Really go back into that memory and recall the feeling that you had then. How were you standing? What was your expression? How were you feeling inside? Really make that memory as vivd as you can.

Adopt those postures now..... yes, right now. Go on, it's only you and me here!
Stand up right now, really stand up straight and put your shoulders back. Take some deep breaths in and out and feel really powerful, proud and unstoppable. Feels good doesn't it!
Even without consciously thinking about what's going on inside you, just by changing the way you stand, putting on a smile etc. really affects the way you feel inside. The old saying "chin up" really works. It's hard to feel glum for too long when you do that.

This is called changing your physiology and you can do it deliberately. You can choose to feel better. You can act as if you feel better.... and you will.

Not only that, but the way you look externally affects how people treat you. Think about it. If you walk into a room full of people and look confident, smiling and composed, others look at you and treat you as a confident person. They don't know how you might be feeling on the inside!
Once you get this response from others it gets even easier to behave in this way - and before you know it..... you don't need to do it deliberately any more.

So go on - try it today. Act as if you feel on top of the world. I'll see you up there!

HOW DO YOU DEFINE SUCCESS?

What do you mean by success?
How do you know when you have succeeded?
If these sound like silly questions...... think again!

Think about it, we don't all mean the same thing by "success" or "failure".
If you feel great when you succeed and bad when you fail - then why not move the goalposts?

Let's take "failure". Now as regular readers will know, I am a huge fan of NLP and I try to live by one of the presuppositions of NLP - "There is no failure - only feedback". Let's say you've tried to do something and you feel you've failed - how do you know? Who made the rules that define it? How much better would your life be if you could re-write those rules and make it almost impossible to fail? Well you can.....

Instead of saying "I've failed if I don't do this absolutely perfectly to the satisfaction of everybody around me", try saying, "I've only failed if I give up part way through, or don't even bother to try". Anything else isn't failure - you've tried, it hasn't worked out - so you can use what you've learned from that experience to try again..... and again if needs be! Thomas Edison took over 900 attempts to design the electric light-bulb. Luckily he didn't see these as failures - or we might all be sitting in the dark!

Same with success - re-define it for yourself to make it much easier to achieve. Maybe just getting to the end of the day in one piece might constitute success. Perhaps it will be knowing that you did the very best that you could, whatever the outcome was.

Take some time today to look at how you define success and failure and make it easy on yourself. You can make up your own rules - so why make it hard for yourself? Start today. Write down a new definition of both success and failure for yourself and start to move those goalposts. You really are the master of your own destiny - make it easy to be the best you can be.

GET CONNECTED !

"No man is an island....." (John Donne)

Have you ever heard yourself saying, "I don't need anyone...!" Probably more in bad times than good, maybe after feeling let down or rejected by someone. Self-sufficiency is an admirable trait but there's an argument for saying that we are not really whole somehow unless we are interacting with others and contributing to society in a larger sense.

 This week I joined a networking group as a way of further expanding my circle of business contacts. As well as being very enjoyable from a social point of view it was very fruitful too. It really brought home to me the importance of establishing and building relationships. It soon became apparent that many of us had similar interests and ideas and could think about working synergistically. Not only that, but people there know a whole cohort of other people, who also have other contacts of their own.... and so it goes on. Helping others really does make you feel good.... it's like sowing seeds for the future, yours and theirs.

People need people. We work best when we do it together. Think about who you know. What do you get from each of those relationships? Are they with supportive and like-minded individuals, or are they draining you of your energy and enthusiasm? Take some time over the next couple of days to think about that.

It's not every day you'll meet a person with whom you feel you can truly connect, but when you do, make sure that they know how much you appreciate them. Take some time this weekend to let your special people know just how much they mean to you. Your investment will be repaid a thousand fold.

Have a peaceful weekend.

COME TO THE EDGE

Once a week, for the next few weeks, I'm going to be looking at some inspirational ideas.

I'm starting today with this poem by Christopher Logue, called "Come to the Edge".

Come to the edge.

We might fall.

Come to the edge,

It's too high!

COME TO THE EDGE!

And they came

and he pushed

and they flew!

This always strikes a chord with me as it reminds me of why I'm a coach. Not only do I believe that we all have so much more inside us, but I am passionate about enabling others to uncover their true potential.

It's about taking risks and pushing boundaries. Yes, we could all live a cosy little life, never venturing outside of our comfort zones....... but is that really living? There is so much more out there for us to see, achieve and contribute to. For me, these words are a wake up call. 

Look at the challenges you are facing in your own life right now. How are you facing up to them? These words urge us not to be afraid and to push ourselves that little bit further than we think we can go. A favourite concept in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is, if you think you can or you think you can't - you're probably right! Often what holds us down is our own opinion of ourselves.

So think on this. If what's really stopping you getting what you want is that you talk yourself out of even trying....... then get out there right now and BELIEVE!

CONTROL WHAT'S INFORMING YOU

Is it just me or is the news getting more depressing?

I'm beginning to wonder why I tune in to the BBC news in the evening these days......

Of course one needs to keep up to date, but you need to balance that against how receiving that information can make you feel. Coupled with this, I think the news is becoming less about world events and more about a select few people's opinions about those events. I want to be able to make up my own mind about the stories, I don't need to be told what to think!

Not only that, but if we're not alert to it, the way that the news or other broadcasting gets into our lives can really influence our mood. What would you rather wake up to - a soothing piece of music or a propaganda-laden radio piece about the state of the economy? What gets you in a better frame of mind - something light and amusing or a heavy item about a pandemic flu epidemic that might never happen?

Don't get me wrong - I'm not advocating sticking your head in the sand and ignoring what's going on out there. We all need to be aware of the state of our world and make a positive contribution towards it. What I'm saying is, choose what information you receive and when you receive it. Take control of what you read, listen to and watch. Don't just sit passively by and get "fed" what others might want you to believe. You know you are better than that and you know you deserve more. When are you going to start taking back that control?

I've begun by choosing not to listen to the news first thing in the morning or last thing at night. It affects my preparation for the day or my relaxation before sleep. I keep up to date in the day, I know what's going on - but I check this out when I'm ready to hear it. Anyone fancy joining me?

WHO ARE YOU?

What makes you, you....?

I was prompted to think of this today when I received a scam email. It was one of those ones trying to get hold of your bank details. It invited me to confirm some details about a non-existent account. I recognised it for what it was, took appropriate action and no harm was done..... but what if my identity had really been stolen? What does our identity really mean to us?

What is it about you that makes you......... well, you?

If you changed your name, would it still be you? I'm sure we'd all agree of course it would be, although it might feel strange at first. How about if you changed the way that you looked? Very radically? There have been a number of face transplants done now......... seeing someone you know with a different face, now that's quite challenging! Did you ever see the film "Face Off" with John Travolta and Nicholas Cage? One gets the other's face in a pretty far-fetched story of revenge and when he does so seems to take on the other's persona too.

Perhaps it's much more than a physical thing? Maybe it's what you know inside of you - your values, your memories, your beliefs? Perhaps this is coming closer to the "soul" of the person. The essential "you-ness" of a person. I think I might just have made that word up..... but I like it and I'm sure you know what I mean by it!

I think it's a question that we can only ever hope to answer for ourselves. Perhaps the important point here is this. What is special about me that makes me who I am?

One of my early posts was about labels and the way that we label ourselves - female, British, football loving dog-owner etc.etc. What labels do you apply to yourself? Mother to X? Son to Y? Doing job Z?

 How do these labels define you and more importantly - how do they limit you? If you put yourself in Box A, then maybe you deny yourself the chance to think about how the world looks from Box B? Or maybe...... even better...... from outside any box at all!

So spend some time today thinking about what defines who you are and makes up your essential "you-ness".  Once you know this, it's easier to understand how others see you and raises your awareness about the essential "you-ness" of others too. Native Americans used to say "You can never understand a person until you walk a mile in their shoes". Maybe this way, you can take those steps inside your mind instead...... Enjoy your day.

100 YEARS YOUNG!

Last Friday saw me going down to Hampshire to attend the 100th birthday party of my great Auntie Cis. What a great day and what a very special lady!

She's the oldest member of my family, although there have been quite a few others who have made it into their nineties - so if you're reading this kids, don't start lining up my nursing home place just yet....

She's very nearly blind now but is very sharp in other ways. We were the first to arrive at the residential home where she lives and went straight over to congratulate her. She was sitting under a huge birthday banner and was flanked by a beautiful cake on one side and her card from the Queen on the other. I asked what she'd been up to so far that day. She told me that lots of people had been taking her photograph - "I've probably cracked a good few lenses already today!"

She was laughing and smiling throughout the afternoon, just how I remember her from my childhood. When I asked her what her secret to a long life was, she told me that she just thought about living for today, one day at a time. She said she didn't worry about yesterday as it had already gone and as she didn't know what tomorrow would bring, there wasn't much point worrying about that. Always just try and enjoy today she said.

Good advice I thought. Try and live in the moment. Maybe she was a Zen buddhist master all along and I just didn't know it! Joking aside.... I'm sure she got it right. Let's face it, she's had 100 years of practice. So here's to you Auntie Cis - congratulations and may you enjoy many more birthdays, you are an example to us all.

NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!

Well the big day came and went..... for the physicists on the Swiss/French border. Their sub-atomic particle collision experiment was given a remote chance of creating enough black holes to lead to the end of civilisation as we know it. About 50 million to one if my sons are to be believed. Eight thirty am passed..... and nothing much happened.

What if the world had been about to end? Would you have been able to look back and think that you made the most of your time here? That you gave of your best and lived your life to the full? Or would you have had regrets? Things left undone or unsaid? Dreams unfulfilled?

Now that today's nearly over, why not use it as an opportunity to say thank you for the fact that you're still here? Use it as a chance to think about what you are really doing with your life. Are you really making the most of now? If not..... why not and what are you going to do to change that?

I'm particularly glad it didn't end today, or I'd have missed out on lunch with a friend of mine - and he was buying! I would also have missed out on reconnecting with the lovely bunch of people with whom I do a course every month in central London.

Mind you, getting home wasn't so easy. My train broke down in the station, making me over an hour late home and I had to postpone a coaching call. But I got home safely in the end, and do you know what?...... it wasn't the end of the world!

WHAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK?

What do you believe that is holding you back?
Maybe you think you're too old to achieve what you want to, or too young?
Perhaps you believe you don't deserve to be successful?

Have you ever thought where beliefs like this come from...... or of the restrictions they place upon you? If for example you believe that you don't deserve to be wealthy - your subconscious mind will spurn all sorts of opportunities to make money. This will stop you getting wealthy, but you "didn't think you deserved to" anyway.... and so it goes on.

These sort of beliefs are known as limiting beliefs. Ofetn they come from comments made by parents or teachers many years before. Authority figures who we regarded as "experts". Without realising it we may still be believing that we are "no good at maths"..... and what is worse - still acting accordingly.

What if you could change those beliefs, how would life be for you then?
Can you imagine how life would be if you just knew that you deserved to have abundance?
How would your life look? How would it feel? Not just now but in 5 or 10 years time?
Really let yourself bask in that great feeling!

Try adopting a new belief. For example - if you currently believe that you don't deserve to be wealthy - try restating this as a new positive belief eg. I deserve to have abundance in my life.
Feel as if that belief is already true for you. It might feel a bit awkward at first, but with practice it will get much easier. Then try acting as if it is already true for you. You'll be surprsied, it won't be long before others start acting in accordance with this to.

The key to change is you - remember, you'll never rise above your own opinion of yourself.
Start today, adopt a new positive belief and begin to create the life you know you deserve!

LIVING THE DREAM

As I write this, I'm watching "Socceraid". It's a televised football match involving a mix of celebrities and former players, in aid of UNICEF. It's on every two years and was the brain-child of singer Robbie Williams. He played last time round and when interviewed at half-time tonight talked about how wearing the England shirt and running out at Wembley was, for him, living the dream.

Regular readers will know I'm a huge football fan, so I can see where Robbie was coming from on this one. My playing days are long since over and my old team, Garston Ladies, weren't exactly Man Utd. even in my day! 

It made me think though - what's your dream and more importantly, what are you doing to ensure that it becomes reality?

We all need to have dreams. Some of these might be relatively small things, others might seem much bigger and less easy to attain. Don't let this put you off though. All it takes to achieve any dream is the will to succeed, a plan of action and the courage to take that first step. After that, you're on your way and if you keep taking steps, however small, in the right direction, you are going to get there. Remember, everything you do either takes you closer to, or further away from any goal.

What small step are you going to take tomorrow to move you closer to your dream?

SEIZE THE DAY!

Those of you who, like me, love the film "Dead Poets' Society", starring Robin Williams, may remember that this was his mantra for the students. He used it to inspire his initially reluctant class to great things. Remember how they all stood up on their desks one by one?

Today's post is not about clambering on your furniture - what you get up to in the privacy of your own home is none of my business! It is about really making the most of every opportunity that comes your way. 

I believe that we make our own luck. I don't accept that certain people are born lucky. I think they just get out there and make the most of everything that comes their way. It's all too easy to sit back and blame fate for dealing you a bad hand. Why not just get out there and play the best game that you can with what you've been given?

Joe Vitale has a lot to say about this in his various books. I especially like "The Attractor Factor". It's great to listen to on your I-pod in the gym. You feel as if you're stretching your mind as well as your body. One of his favourite sayings is "The Universe loves speed". Once an idea comes to you, whether you believe it's from God or the Divine or wherever - you need to act on it fast. Have you ever had a good idea, done nothing about it and then found soon afterwards that someone else has done the very thing that you didn't? I certainly have - and it's really annoying!

If you know something is right for you, even if it seems a little different or a little risky right now - try just doing it. Don't delay and leave yourself open to the hollow, empty feeling of what might have been..... rather like Anthony Hopkins' character in "The Remains of the Day" - one of my favourite films of all time. Make sure you really seize the day!

BEING IN FLOW

Do you ever have days when everything just seems to work out? Of course you do. Days when, however busy you are.... you just manage to do everything that needs doing, easily and effortlessly. In NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming), this is called being in flow.

I had one of those days today, in fact, I've had one of those weeks! It's been an important week for me. My younger son started at secondary school and loves it..... and I've rearranged my working week to a pattern that feels fantastic. Instead of spreading my 3.5 days of GP work out over 5 days, I now work three full days in the surgery. This gives me two full weekdays to devote to coaching, writing, personal growth etc. 

It may only have been week one but what a week it's been. Despite being very busy in the surgery I have felt really enthused and energized there. Today was a classic example. Not only did I have two very sick patients this morning who both needed emergency ambulance transfer to hospital but we had a major computer failure this afternoon. It was also extremely busy with lots of patients needing to be seen before the weekend. It could have been chaotic, I could have really struggled..... but no. Not only did everyone get sorted out efficiently but it felt effortless and I really enjoyed myself. The whole team were fantastic today - and I made sure that they all knew it too.

Experiences like that are great. They nourish and sustain you through the tougher times, but how can we repeat them? In NLP this is called modelling - looking at what works well in a situation and repeating it. What were you thinking, feeling, doing in a successful situation.... and how can you make sure you replicate that when you need to perform like that again?

Think about a time when you've experienced a challenging situation and performed in a way you've been really proud of. Think back through it in detail - what was happening in you that made it so good? What were you saying to yourself? What were you thinking? How were you behaving? Think how you can get back into that positive, resourceful mindset for next time you need to be on top form.

Life is easy when you are in flow like this. Spend a few moments now thinking about how you can use your past experiences to create a better future. What are you waiting for?

WHAT ARE YOU TAKING FOR GRANTED?

What things in your life do you take for granted?
I've been thinking about that in the last week or so as I haven't any internet access - something that I definitely take for granted. Last week I was on holiday in Ireland. Our cottage didn't have broadband and the dial-up connection was slow and unreliable - hence not much in the way of blogging got done...... another thing I just assume that I can do whenever the mood grabs me.

Once back at home, I discovered that our broadband connection was down. Not only does that make it harder to keep in touch with people but the kids rely on it for homework etc. They still look at me vacantly when told that when I was their age, researching something meant reading a book, often having to cycle to the library to get it. Googling it just wasn't an option. According to them this dates me somewhere around the Jurassic period!

Challenging as that is, it's trivial in the grand scheme of things - but what really important things or people in our lives are we taking for granted right now? The food you eat, the water you drink, the clothes you wear, the money you earn..... who do you depend on for all of that? How about your friends, your colleagues, your family, your partner - what are they doing for you and when did you last really stop and think about that?

We all need eachother. However independent we might like to think we are, we are all connected in someway, all part of the greater whole. Spend some time today just noticing the other people and things in your life. Why not let them know how much you appreciate them? Next time someone does something nice for you, tell them - take that second and really make a difference to someone else's day too. When now will you start doing that?

HEALTH VALUES AND WELLNESS

Health and wellbeing is one of the key areas of our lives, but what does being healthy mean to you? In order to achieve goals in this area it is vital to give some thought to this.

Ask yourself the question - What does being healthy mean to me?

Write down the first answer that comes to mind - perhaps it might be, living longer

Then ask it again, noting down your answer - perhaps, feeling fitter or avoiding serious illness.

Keep going until no new repsonses come to mind.

Now look at your list. Which is the most important to you of the answers you have written? The aim is to rank your responses and achieve a list, in order, of your health values.

Does your list surprise you? Look at your highest values. Is this where you are putting your energy right now? If not..... why not?

For me, the concept of wellness encompasses much more then just physical health. It means achieving balance in the areas of emotional and spiritual wellbeing too. At the root of all of this is loving yourself - if you do this you will feed your body the right foods, nourish it with the right drinks, exercise it and look after it every way that you can.

You need to start doing this, you need a healthy body - where else are you going to live?

AT THE END OF THE DAY

When you think about your life, how satisfied are you with it right now?
Can you look in the mirror at the end of the day and really feel proud of who you are?
Are you being your true self - living an authentic life, or spending your time living up to other peoples' expectations and dreams rather than your own?

If these questions make you stop and think......when are you going to do something about it?
It's never too late to be the person you always dreamed of being.

We all want a happier more peaceful world don't we? One in which we can all work together towards a better future, supporting eachother rather than fighting. Well you can start today by contributing one happier, more peaceful person to that world-YOU.

All change starts with you. By improving your own small corner of the universe, not only do you make your own world so much better but you contribute to making the larger whole a better place too. In my last post I talked about which areas of your life might get your attention first. Over the next few posts we'll be looking at various areas in more detail and considering how changes can be made.

Sometimes making changes can seem daunting, but I'll leave you with this thought - A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.....

BALANCE - THE OIL RIG

Do you think that your life is balanced?

What do I mean by that?

Do you devote too much of your time and attention to an area of your life that maybe shouldn't be getting quite so much of it? Such as your job? Is this happening at the expense of other areas - like your relationships, your spiritual development or your contribution to the wider world?

A much loved former colleague of mine used to speak about what he called the oil rig analogy. He'd say, imagine yourself as an oil rig, with each of your three legs representing an important aspect of your life. He used to label them as work, family and friends. He'd talk about how if there was a problem in one area, strength in the other two legs would still support you. The trouble came if more than one area had problems at the same time.

This always stuck in my mind. I might argue that to be really stable the rig should have had a few more legs.... but the concept is very valid - balance across many areas of your life is the key to happiness.

It's all too easy to pursue our career goals at the expense of our health or relationships. When looking at making changes in your life it is vital to take what coaches call an ecology check - that is, to look at how changes in one area affect other areas and also other people.

Next time you have a few minutes to yourself (and if you read yesterday's post that should be soon) - make a list of what you feel are the most important areas of your life. Most people include areas such as relationships, family, wealth and health. Think longer and you'll probably add contribution, spirituality, personal growth and hopefully fun to your list too. Look down that list and think how happy you are in each of those areas at the moment.

Now do you feel your life is in balance? If so - fantastic, what steps can you take today to make things even better? If not, what can we do together that will improve things? Keep reading.

BARRIERS IN YOUR MIND

Have you ever had the experience of putting off doing something because you thought it was going to be a really big deal? Whenever you thought about it, it seemed like it was just too big to even try and do? Of course you have.....

What did you do? Probably, like most of us, you kept putting it off. Doing this causes several problems, not only does the task not get done but it reinforces your perceived difficulty of achieving it. Every time you intend to do something, but bottle out...... you build up those barriers in your mind. Before you know it, you believe you've got a real mountain to climb.

So much of the difficulty involved can be exaggerated in your head. Why not just do it - just imagine how good that's going to feel!

Don't let what you think about a task affect your ability to complete it. Try and see it for what it is, grab it by the scruff of the neck and get it done. Not only will you have achieved it but you'll be able to bask in the feeling of conquering those barriers in your mind.

TAKE TIME OUT FOR YOURSELF

Have you ever made great plans to get things done and then somehow found that things just didn't work out? Did other things get in the way? Did you let them get in the way?

Sometimes, to achieve what you really want to - you need to put yourself first. In our culture, this is often seen as selfish..... but think of it like this, if you don't look after yourself, who else is going to? What good will a burnt-out you be to your family, your friends.... let alone to you?

Think about being on a plane. Once you've been shown where the emergency exits are and how to do up a seat-belt (can there be anyone left on the planet who doesn't know how to do that?), next it's the bit about the oxygen masks. We are told that if travelling with children, to put our own mask on before theirs - for the very same reason. If you can't breathe what good are you going to be at helping them?

How often do we do this though in our everyday lives?
How often do we set aside a few minutes just for ourselves...... to be.... whatever we want to be and do whatever we want to do? Why not try it, not just today but on a regular basis. Try and get into the habit of setting aside a regular bit of time just for yourself. Maybe to do an activity that you really enjoy, or maybe just for a bit of quiet "me time".

You'll soon notice the benefits, believe me. When now is a good time to start?

STOP TRYING & START ALLOWING.

Inspiration......Think about the best decisions you've ever made....

Have you ever struggled to make your mind up about something or struggled to work something out..... only to find that the answer just came to you when you weren't even trying to find it? That's what I mean by inspiration. 

How did it happen? What changed when you stopped trying to force the solution? Maybe something else took over, some other part of you, or some higher power? How did the answer get through to you? Ever thought that maybe it was there all along and that when you stopped trying to force it and just allowed it to bubble up..... there it was.

How often have you decided to sleep on it or go out for a walk before deciding something, or when stuck with a project? This does more than just change your environment for a while, it disengages your conscious mind and let's your unconscious mind (the clever bit) take over.

Most of us spend our days just using our conscious minds, deliberately thinking our way though life. So much of our brain power goes untapped when we do this as we literally block our unconscious mind from guiding us to the right solution.

So next time you are struggling with a decision, stopped trying to force a solution. Take a step back, listen to what your unconscious mind is telling you and allow the answer to come through to you.

Sometimes life can seem hard enough. Any excuse to try less hard has got to be worth a go!

MAKE IT EASY - USE YOUR VALUES

There's an easy way and a hard way to do everything....... so why not choose to make it easy for yourself? Learning to use your values is one such way.

Values are the things that are really important to us, the real bottom- line things that we stand for. As a coach, values elicitation is a really valuable exercise to do with a client. People are often surprised at what is most important to them - when someone really pushes them to focus in and decide.

Once you know your values, you can combine them and use fulfillment in one area to help you in another. Let me explain.....

As a doctor, you'll probably not be surprised to hear that health is one of my highest values. Striving for wellness and all that that involves is very important to me. I adore training in the gym, but those who know me know that I'm not exactly a great athlete! Yes, I once ran the London Marathon but I don't think Paula Radcliffe lost much sleep over my time....

Anyway, I love it and I know it's important for me but everyone needs something to help keep them on track when the going gets tough. It's always easier not to.......

I'm also a huge fan of personal growth and self-improvement. I love reading and listening to the work of those who really inspire me. I find that listening to my I-pod whilst cycling or on the treadmill, playing Anthony Robbins, Joe Vitale, Jay Abrahams etc. really fires me up as I train.
The time flies by, the physical effort seems much less and I've stretched my mind as well as my body. This simple tip might help you too.

Wellness is all about balance. Take a good look at what you are trying to achieve and think how you can make it easier for yourself. When now is a good time to start?

STOP COMPLAINING AND SET AN INTENTION INSTEAD

Regular readers will know of my love of sport. I signed in to write this blog with the intention of basking in the sheer wonderfulness of a winning return to the football season at Watford and a truly fabulous day for Great Britain at the Olympics....... I'll keep that for another day though because as I did so, an email came in that made me stop and think.

I subscribe to Joe Vitale's blog. You may know him from the film The Secret and his site at www.mrfire.com is worth checking out. Today's email from Joe was about complaining and intentions. It urged people who are about to make a complaint, to stop for a minute and turn that complaint into an intention. What a better place the world would be if we could all do that.

Just try it. Here's what I mean. Next time someone cuts you up on the road, don't waste your time yelling at them - they won't hear you and it probably won't help you feel any better (OK, maybe a tiny bit, but it won't last!). Instead, set yourself the intention of being more courteous to other drivers during the rest of the journey. What have you got to lose and who knows, you might even enjoy it.

Oh, and did I tell you that Watford won.......!

ASK YOURSELF BETTER QUESTIONS

Which parts of your body can you feel an ache or pain in right now?......
How did that question make you feel? I bet it made you stop, focus on your body and notice niggly little things that you'd barely noticed before. Am I right?

Contrast that to - What is the most peaceful time you can remember?
I bet that gave you a completely different feeling didn't it.?

Answering the question forces you to relive the experience. In the first example, not only did you have to actively seek out the aches and pains but you felt them too. In the second one, just by thinking about that beautiful, peaceful time..... you were back there. Your breathing slowed and got deeper, your blood pressure fell slightly and the pressures of your day seemed to ease away somehow.

What was the difference? You didn't change. You were still sat there in front of your screen. You just asked yourself a better question.

If you ask yourself a better question - you get a better answer.

Anthony Robbins loves this technique. He advocates choosing five great questions to ask yourself first thing in the morning. Answering these makes you relive the good feelings associated with them and gets you into a great state of mind for the day ahead. Try it...... whay have you got to lose?

WHY WAIT?

After almost 20 years as a doctor, I'm still amazed by how differently people react to illness. In a typical week I see lots of peole with minor illnesses - coughs, colds, sore throats. Most people see the few days that they are sick as a minor inconvenience and just get on with their life, whilst for others, the illness seems to become their life. They spend their time ruminating on how poorly they feel, tell everyone about it and seem to enjoy comparing their symptoms with those around them.

Contrast this with my terminally ill patients, or the housebound elderly who are forced to depend on others for help in a way they never imagined. Many of these are incredibly positive in their outlook. When I talk to them about this, they'll often say something like - "now I know I haven't got that long left, I really try and make the most of what I do have." They are able to find pleasure in small things - a sunny morning, beautiful flowers, a warm smile. Often their situation helps them focus in and appreciate what they have right now. They are a pleasure to spend time with and I always learn a lot from them.

Hopefully as you read this, you're in good health...... so why wait to start appreciating what's around you? I believe that when you feel good, you start to look out for other good things around you. In other words - you get more of what you feel.

One way to kick start this is to ask yourself better questions - more of this tomorrow.

APPRECIATE WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE

"You prove to me that there is a God and I'll come to mass!" announced my son this morning as we were getting ready. It was an attempt to be allowed to stay at home and watch the Olympics. As regular readers will know, I love sport and I adore the Olympics, but he wasn't going to get round me that easily....

"OK then", I said, "can you prove to me that there isn't a God? Who do you think is responsible for all the wonderful things in your life?" His initial blank look (think of Harry Enfield's Kevin character) was soon replaced by a more thoughtful one. I asked him how he thought he got his good health, ("yeah"), his food, ("whatever"), his home,("money"), his family, (no reply), his friends, (struggling now),his education, his opportunities? For once he said nothing.

I told him that it doesn't have to be about God in a formal sense. It's about the acknowledgement of the presence of a higher power - does it matter what you call it? I see attendance at a place of worship as a time of quiet reflection and a chance to say thank you for all that is great in your life. We have so many blessings. He got dressed without another word.

Just stop reading this for a second and think on this.....
I bet that wherever you are, you are warm enough and that you've eaten and drunk pretty recently. You are probably well clothed and the fact that you are reading this at all is testimony to that fact that you have internet access and the education to make that reading possible. That immediately puts you far ahead of a huge proportion of our world.

It's easy to forget as we dash about our busy lives, that we have so much to be gratfeul for. I think Socrates had it right when he said,
"He who is not contented with what he has, will not be contented with what he would like to have."

By all means aim for something better, but never forget to appreciate all that is already yours.

PEACE AND FREEDOM BEGIN WITH YOU

A powerful statement......

In my last blog I spoke of the need to ensure that your own happiness is not in the hands of others. Too often I see people who are allowing their present to be ruined by what happened in their past. The replaying of these past memories can be so destructive. You really do have a choice in this...... to draw a line in the sand, right now..... and move forward.

Richard Bandler, co-founder of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), uses the phrase, "You can't change the past, so why live in it?" For me, this encapsulates the idea of concentrating on the here and now, on what we do have the power to influence - ourselves.

Remember this - all change begins with you.

I believe if we all take responsibility for ourselves and be the best that we can be, the world will be a much better place. Modern culture seems to encourage just the opposite - it looks for someone to blame for the problems of the world. I believe we should just work on what we are able to change - ourselves - and put our trust in a higher power to look after the rest. Call this God, Divinity, The Universe - fill in the blank for yourself. It's not a religious thing as such, just an acknowledgement that there is something out there more powerful and more knowing than we will ever be.

There is a great prayer in Wayne Dyer's book "The Power of Intention", it goes like this:

Good Morning,
This is God,
I will be handling all your
Problems today.
I will not need
Your help so have
A miraculous day.

I think that says it all....... enjoy your day.

THE SPACE INSIDE YOUR HEAD

It's funny how some things you read stick in your mind isn't it?
As a teenager in the late 70's I read George Orwell's 1984. I always remember the first few pages in which the lives of the two central characters are described as being under constant surveillance from all angles.

The only little bit of freedom they had under the oppressive regime were the few square centimetres inside their own heads. Inside there, their thoughts were their own. They could retreat there, untouched and safe from observation.

The world around us can sometimes seem not too dissimilar to this. On my way home tonight, the news told of a pensioner found dead in his home, having been there for over two years - nobody thought to check on him. There was also the story of the woman pushed onto railway tracks for asking two lads to stop smoking. She broke her collar bone.

My friend is on holiday at the moment in this country and sent me a text to say the weather was cold - like midwinter. This reminded me of the Orwell passage, so I sent back a message to say, that it can always be summer in your head! My friends are used to my eternal optimism.....

My point is this though - how we feel is up to us. It doesn't depend on the weather or on the madness happening around us. How you feel depends upon how you decide to feel. Don't let anyone else control your happiness. Let today be the day that you decide to feel how you really want to feel.

Use those few centimetres inside your own head, right now, to create your own reality. Take control and start living the way you've always wanted to.

TACKLE THOSE TASKS

Do you ever have days when you have a long list of tasks stretching out in front of you....... and you don't really want to do any of them? Of course you do......

I had a day like that yesterday at work. I had a whole string of things I had to do, none of them could be delegated. They were all going to take time, my time, and at first glance it was hard to see how they were all going to fit into the day. Sounding familiar?

How do you respond when faced with that situation? The least productive way would be to look at the list as a whole and let it stress you out. Getting stressed is about allowing external pressures to dictate to you, rather than taking control of the situation for yourself.

Prioritise what you need to do and do what absolutely can't wait first. Done, over with. How does that feel? Starting to make some headway into that list now? Look at what's left. Do some of the easier tasks to get them done but be sure to do some of your least favourite ones too - these are the ones that will really please you to have got done and over with.
As you complete the remaining tasks, notice how much better you start to feel. Bask in the accomplishment of achieving more than you thought you would. Find some small way of rewarding yourself for hanging in there and getting it done. Go on..... you know you deserve it!

Now you can look back and think - yes, I did all of that. Next time you're in the same situation you'll know that you are capable of doing it again..... and more. Try and make even your most routine of tasks enjoyable by finding some way to challenge yourself as you complete them. Focusing your mind like this really will make the time pass quicker and make the whole thing seem easier and more enjoyable.

BEHIND THE CLOUDS, THE SUN IS ALWAYS SHINING

A sad start to today. I dropped my father at the airport for his flight back to Thailand. He had been staying with us for a month and after some great times, the day finally came for him to return home.

He has been a huge influence on me, a real hero in my life and one of the most resilient people I've ever met. Lucky really - you need to be tough to survive a month in my house!

As I drove home in the pouring rain, I reflected on all the fun we'd had, the places we'd been, the people we'd visited and entertained. I began to think about all the great things coming up in the next few weeks. Even if you're not a sports nut like me, you can't fail to find something to love about the Olympics. Not only is it the showcase for phenomenal physical achievement, but it represents so much more. The coming together of people from all over the globe in the spirit of peace and harmony is a real cause for celebration. It really reminds me that we are part of one world.

And then there's the new football season about to start......fans all over the country will dream of bigger and better things for their teams this year. Yes even Watford fans like me!

As I pondered on this, the sun came on and my mood brightened. Like my state of happinness and eager anticipation for the future, the sun had been there all the time - just temporarily hidden behind the clouds.

So remember, in times of sadness, focus on what's great in your life. Think of all the things you've got to look forward to. Feel the love of those around you and share it around. Bring a little sunshine into your life today.

PEACE AND CONNECTION

What does being peaceful mean to you?

During our recent trip to Provence, we stayed in a wonderful villa in the hillside. There was a beautiful infinity pool there and when you were in it you could see for miles, down over the surrounding countryside. I made of point of being first up every morning, while a little mist still hung over the olive trees to swim my lengths. Much as I love exercising, I'm not really a swimmer, but the feeling of being there, all alone, in that setting, was amazing. So utterly cut off from everything in my usual daily life.

At night, the stars were wonderful and incredibly numerous. We were quite remote so there was little in the way of light pollution, giving us a real sense of the enormity of the universe.

It made me think of the paradox of feeling so peaceful whilst being alone and yet needing the feeling of connection and being part of the "one song" of the universe we talked about in my last post. Wayne Dyer makes a similar point in his book - suggesting that the difference between ALONE and ALL ONE is L, standing for love. 

Love is what connects us all together. As you look out on the stars where you are tonight, may love and peace be with you too.

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES

How often do we give ourselves the space and time to celebrate what has gone well for us?

Too often these days, we seem to focus on the problems around us.
What's gone wrong here? Who's fault is this? What's missing?

How often do you hear someone say, "I had a great day today because I managed to do X, Y or Z?" Why wait for others, why not be that person!

I went back to work today after a fortnight off and far from dreading it, I had a great day. I planned ahead, went to the gym before work, still getting in early enough to catch up on all the paperwork from whilst I was off.

Not only that but I enjoyed it, because I expected to enjoy it.
How much easier does something feel when you go into it with the right attitude, when you just know it's going to go well? Somehow, on days like that, things just seem to flow.

You get more of what you focus on, so if you think you're going to get problems - guess what?

For sure there'll be days when things don't quite work out, but why not relax, go with the flow and focus on the positives...... and you'll feel better whilst you're at it!